Wednesday, 18 June 2008

The Return Of Dannii, Queen Of Kitchens

The British public were treated to an extraordinary, and rare, sight last night: the KweEN oV kItshiNz returned to our screens, an incarnation of Dannii not seen since the late '80s! It seemed that time has not dulled our Queen's vegetable chopping abilities; gone are the carrots of the yore and now Dannii has graduated onto truly tricky varieties - pumpkins and asparagus stems.

"But hold on!", I hear you cry, "surely Dannii wouldn't cook her own food??!". I suspect you may be right... I highly doubt Dannii knows where the hob is (assuming her house has one), let alone how to use it. Her press-on nails would get singed faster than you could say "fuck off Kylie" if she ever happened to switch it on. All I can say is, Dannii's hired help have done a remarkable job in teaching Dannii to bluff her way through this programme, even if they forgot to inform her that aprons should be used to cover bare cleavage.

Now, to the show itself. In a remarkably candid interview, Dannii confirms that her beauty (with the exception of her 'floaters') is 100% as God intend (as we all knew), and she has a few choice words about a certain Ms. Osbourne. Dannii is famous for her vicious tongue, and it is a real pleasure to see it being put to such good use.

But what did the rich kid, food critic-wannabes think of Dannii's culinary abilities...?

SPOILER ALERT! Read no further if you are yet to see the video!

It seems our Dannii is destined for failure, not only are the public indifferent to her latest club anthems, it seems they are also equally ambivalent towards her risotto. Oh well, what's one more flop between friends?! ;) And as for the heartfelt farewell between Gordon and Dannii, it is so endearing to see other celebrities treating Dannii with the due respect she deserves.

Dannii: Queen of Kitchens. Long may she reign!

Monday, 9 June 2008

Kylie's Shocking Revelation!

Kylie stunned fans at her Madrid concert by finally admitting what we have all suspected for the past 20 years - that Dannii is indeed superior! The catalyst for Kylie's stunning revelation was a simple t-shirt with the truthful slogan "Dannii Does It Better" (below). Kylie acknowledges the brave Dannii droid (who was probably brutally murdered by enraged Kylie fans after the show) and agrees with his message! The historical moment was caught on film (at approximately 1:30 minutes), so you can re-live it time and time again. Dannii's bid for global superstardom is gathering more steam by the minute!

The holy t-shirt

Wednesday, 4 June 2008


I am typing this under a haze of disbelief: our Dannii has won an award. No, you are not hallucinating, Dannii has at long last got something to add to her somewhat uncluttered mantlepiece! At last night's Glamour Awards in London, Dannii collected the prestigious award of TV Personality of the Year, for her work on The X Factor. Not only has Dannii won this prize, but the tabloids are buzzing with further causes for celebration: not only has her X Factor pay deal seen a £500K rise, she is reportedly lined up for a guest stint on American Idol... It seems Dannii's star is becoming truly global, and about time too!

From a purely selfish perspective, I hope all this TV $ucce$$ doesn't keep Dannii away from reworking the latest Ibiza anthems for too long; the pop world is surely an empty place without her awe-inspiring talent. Being the shrewd businesswoman that is she, it wouldn't surprise me if Dannii is secretly sequestering large chunks of her TV paypackets into booking sessions with producers previously out of her reach on AATW budgets. We can but hope!

Congratulations Dannii, from all at Dannii's Dirty Box!

Monday, 2 June 2008

Our Fierce Club Disco Winner!

I'm happy to learn that the winners of our "Club Disco" competition are starting to receive their goodies. Ro Ro, a DDB regular from the glamorous state of Texas, was kind enough to take a happy snap with his copy. I feel all warm inside knowing that Dannii is in the hands of such a fabulous bitch. Girlfriend even did a costume change for the second pic (below)! Ro Ro, your stunning wig and general fierceness are truly Danniitastic. Congratulations again!

Sunday, 1 June 2008

Dannii's Washing Tips

I almost spat out my cornflakes when I saw Dannii in today's Sun Herald dishing our laundry tips. Bitch, please. As if Dannii even knows what a washing machine looks like!