Sunday, 6 July 2008

Bon Voyage, Bitches!

In true Dannii style, I've decided to pack my bags and head to the nearest Spanish party island. I also think this is the right time to close Dannii's Box (again). I'm suffering from major fan fatigue - mainly due to the sad, deluded droids who constitute Dannii's ever shrinking fanbase. I will always worship Holidannii but the humourless creatures that surround her are making Dannii fandom an unnecessary hardship. I'm sure I'll regain my enthusiasm when Dannii releases her next collection of unreleased crap and re-open the blog (yet again) but in the meantime I'm moving on to Kylie. She might not have been blessed with Dannii's stunning good looks or searing vocal talent but at least she still has the occasional hit and hasn't retired to the living hell of reality TV. Adios!

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

The Return Of Dannii, Queen Of Kitchens

The British public were treated to an extraordinary, and rare, sight last night: the KweEN oV kItshiNz returned to our screens, an incarnation of Dannii not seen since the late '80s! It seemed that time has not dulled our Queen's vegetable chopping abilities; gone are the carrots of the yore and now Dannii has graduated onto truly tricky varieties - pumpkins and asparagus stems.

"But hold on!", I hear you cry, "surely Dannii wouldn't cook her own food??!". I suspect you may be right... I highly doubt Dannii knows where the hob is (assuming her house has one), let alone how to use it. Her press-on nails would get singed faster than you could say "fuck off Kylie" if she ever happened to switch it on. All I can say is, Dannii's hired help have done a remarkable job in teaching Dannii to bluff her way through this programme, even if they forgot to inform her that aprons should be used to cover bare cleavage.

Now, to the show itself. In a remarkably candid interview, Dannii confirms that her beauty (with the exception of her 'floaters') is 100% as God intend (as we all knew), and she has a few choice words about a certain Ms. Osbourne. Dannii is famous for her vicious tongue, and it is a real pleasure to see it being put to such good use.

But what did the rich kid, food critic-wannabes think of Dannii's culinary abilities...?

SPOILER ALERT! Read no further if you are yet to see the video!

It seems our Dannii is destined for failure, not only are the public indifferent to her latest club anthems, it seems they are also equally ambivalent towards her risotto. Oh well, what's one more flop between friends?! ;) And as for the heartfelt farewell between Gordon and Dannii, it is so endearing to see other celebrities treating Dannii with the due respect she deserves.

Dannii: Queen of Kitchens. Long may she reign!

Monday, 9 June 2008

Kylie's Shocking Revelation!

Kylie stunned fans at her Madrid concert by finally admitting what we have all suspected for the past 20 years - that Dannii is indeed superior! The catalyst for Kylie's stunning revelation was a simple t-shirt with the truthful slogan "Dannii Does It Better" (below). Kylie acknowledges the brave Dannii droid (who was probably brutally murdered by enraged Kylie fans after the show) and agrees with his message! The historical moment was caught on film (at approximately 1:30 minutes), so you can re-live it time and time again. Dannii's bid for global superstardom is gathering more steam by the minute!

The holy t-shirt

Wednesday, 4 June 2008


I am typing this under a haze of disbelief: our Dannii has won an award. No, you are not hallucinating, Dannii has at long last got something to add to her somewhat uncluttered mantlepiece! At last night's Glamour Awards in London, Dannii collected the prestigious award of TV Personality of the Year, for her work on The X Factor. Not only has Dannii won this prize, but the tabloids are buzzing with further causes for celebration: not only has her X Factor pay deal seen a £500K rise, she is reportedly lined up for a guest stint on American Idol... It seems Dannii's star is becoming truly global, and about time too!

From a purely selfish perspective, I hope all this TV $ucce$$ doesn't keep Dannii away from reworking the latest Ibiza anthems for too long; the pop world is surely an empty place without her awe-inspiring talent. Being the shrewd businesswoman that is she, it wouldn't surprise me if Dannii is secretly sequestering large chunks of her TV paypackets into booking sessions with producers previously out of her reach on AATW budgets. We can but hope!

Congratulations Dannii, from all at Dannii's Dirty Box!

Monday, 2 June 2008

Our Fierce Club Disco Winner!

I'm happy to learn that the winners of our "Club Disco" competition are starting to receive their goodies. Ro Ro, a DDB regular from the glamorous state of Texas, was kind enough to take a happy snap with his copy. I feel all warm inside knowing that Dannii is in the hands of such a fabulous bitch. Girlfriend even did a costume change for the second pic (below)! Ro Ro, your stunning wig and general fierceness are truly Danniitastic. Congratulations again!

Sunday, 1 June 2008

Dannii's Washing Tips

I almost spat out my cornflakes when I saw Dannii in today's Sun Herald dishing our laundry tips. Bitch, please. As if Dannii even knows what a washing machine looks like!

Thursday, 29 May 2008

Dannii Steals Kylie's Birthday Thunder!

I love this! A German newspaper pulled together 40 facts to celebrate Kylie's 40th birthday and noted Dannii's enduring contribution to her sister's career. Check out fact #3 (click on the image), which roughly translates as "Sister Dannii was originally more famous"! Stunning journalism but what do they mean by using the past tense and the word originally?

Sunday, 25 May 2008

Cover Girl Dannii

I know this is a week old but I finally got around to scanning it tonight. Dannii really was everywhere last week. She graced the TV guide cover as well as featuring in Famous, Who and OK magazines. So much $ucce$$ for our sweetheart!

Thursday, 22 May 2008

Put Down The Broom!

I'm on to you, Dannii Witch! How much eye of newt did you throw into the cauldron to conjur up this week's unprecedented ratings $ucce$$ for Australia's Got Talent? It seems the failed pop star's nasty tirade of hate and bitterness drew more than 1.6 million viewers. I'm convinced we were all under her evil spell! Here are Tuesday's ratings figures thanks to the Sun Herald website.

1. AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,603,000
2. SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,491,000
3. NCIS Ten 1,459,000
4. TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,350,000
5. ABC NEWS ABC 1,317,000
6. NINE NEWS Nine 1,272,000
7. ALL SAINTS Seven 1,268,000
8. HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,255,000

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

The Evil Dannii Witch!

Sorry for the lack of updates but I just got back from spending a couple of days in Alice fucking Springs for work. Seriously, I was not built for red dust and desert! After dragging my sorry carcass home from the airport, all I could think about was sitting down in front of the TV with a box of Tim Tams to revel in Dannii's judging glory. I wish I had done some ironing instead - anything would have been preferable to witnessing the despicable display Dannii put on tonight. One of the many reasons I love Dannii is her genuine sweetness but I think the poor company she's been keeping lately must be starting to rub off on her. There's no easy way to say this - Dannii was a complete cunt on Australia's Got Talent tonight!

Our beloved icon was in a foul mood from the very beginning. I think some vindictive individual must have told Dannii the sales total of "The Hits & Beyond" in comparison to "Ultimate Kylie" because she looked like she had just swallowed a cup of lemon juice from the get go. I tried to turn a blind eye when Dannii dismissed the Russian whistler, made a snide remark about the performing dog, rejected the smiling tap dancer, berated the piano prodigy for her stagecraft and voted off a clearly talented brother and sister duo. However, I think she crossed the line when she tore strips off a 9 year old girl for not having a good enough voice to front her family's band. It was downright unpleasant to see Danielle burst into tears and be comforted by her father after being ripped a new arsehole by Ms Minogue. She, of all people, should be able to display greater sensitivity towards child performers. I hate to say it but I'm glad the crowd booed and jeered the Dannii witch. She acted like a spiteful old troll and let's face it, Dannii shouldn't be criticising anyone for their inability to keep pitch. I give you Exhibit A:

I rest my case. I mean, who does she think she is? Melissa Tkautz?

Thursday, 15 May 2008

Victor Strikes Again!

Victor, Dannii's #1 Brazilian fan and the charismatic star of this legendary video, has turned his creative juices towards promoting "Club Disco". I think you'll agree that Victor really captures the essence of Dannii with these fabulous offerings! The first picture (above) will have Dannii's illiterate lesbian fans moist with anticipation, while the protest shot (below) perfectly reflects Dannii's amazing less-is-more approach to promotion.

Victor then brings out the big guns by roping in Einstein to publicise Dannii's exquisite collection of demos and unreleased tat. Obviously a brave attempt to appeal to Dannii's huge following in the world of academia!

Last but not least is my favourite. I think this piece of art beautifully sums up the amount of effort put into "Club Disco" by all involved including Dannii herself. Well done, Victor. We await your next video extravaganza with baited breath!

Club DIsco Winners!

I loved all your entries but there could only be 3 (well, actually 5!) winners. To find out if you're one of these lucky people check out the results here. Congratulations to everyone and thanks again to Central Station for the CDs!

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Nathan Loves Dannii's Dirty Box

Nathan has graced our humble website (if you can call it that) with his holy presence and posted the hugely insightful (Dannii is in TV land at the moment - WTF?!) and totally non-egocentric rant you see below on the Droid Board. I'm really not sure why Nathan is getting his knickers in a twist. Yet again. He was the person who brought up the remix stuff up in the first place. I simply checked with Central Station and posted their response. I don't believe my post was mean spirited (the clown picture was firmly tongue in cheek) and I can't remember ever criticising Nathan personally about anything. Instead of being unnecessarily nasty about a fansite that genuinely adores Dannii, Nathan might consider the hours we have spent making videos, banners and forum signatures - not to mention generally whoring "Club Disco" across the internet - and thank us. After all, he's getting a cut of Dannii's profits as her new manager. We're just doing it because we love Dannii.

I've read on another website (if you can call it that) that I'M the one that handed over the wrong mix of this to Central Station. For the record I emailed Jason Nevins and asked him to email the correct mix to Central Station. This was sent direct to them. I can not oversee everything and due to manufacture deadlines there was no time for listening cd's to be produced.

Also - so many people are saying Dannii needs a better team behind her. Also FYI Dannii is in TV land at the moment. These albums (Unleashed / Club Disco etc) are being released for fans - not for any other reason. There is no time for Dannii to focus on a new album at the moment and there hasn't been for the last 12 months.

If people want to hurl insults at me, do so as much as you like. However I'm the one who's pushed and pushed for Unleashed, The Video Collection, Girl (Deluxe), Neon Nights (Deluxe) and Club Disco (CD release) for all you guys. I don't want thanks and I'm not here for my ego - but it's quite upsetting that people can be so unkind over one incorrect mix.

Sunday, 11 May 2008

Club Disco - The DDB Review

If some mental midget hadn't decided to make "Club Disco" chart ineligible, Dannii would be currently celebrating a top 30 ARIA chart placing for the first time since "Neon Nights". It's extremely annoying that Dannii's astonishing chart $ucce$$ has been thwarted once again but we can take heart in the knowledge that our icon is still very much at the forefront of popular culture. I'm sure you've all had the opportunity to listen to "Club Disco" by now, so I thought it was time to review this modern day masterpiece with my fellow DDB contributors. The results are very interesting and prove beyond a doubt that not everyone shares my exquisite taste in Dannii! Let us know what you think.

1. Touch Me Like That

Tommie - 9/10

An energetic and fun club romp. Despite the mediocre chart performance, this is a Dannii classic!

Jay - 5/10

slightly irritating and catchy but a poor choice for the opener.

Natty - 10/10

I'm biased. I love this song. I can't fault it. I'm just pissed that this song wasn't bigger. I don't know what's wrong with people!

Magical Froggy - 8/10

On first listen I was mortified that Dannii was using this of all tracks to ca$h in on her X Factor exposure (the less said about its chart performance the better). Over time, however, this has grown a lot on me and is definitely one of Dannii's better reworked club tracks. The lyrics are cheeky, the beats are cheesy, and all together this is one fun pop concoction. And seeing Dannii spin in a tacky plastic diamond, I now feel I can die a contented person!

Mike - 10/10

A slice of club heaven made even more glorious by the magnificent trannytastic video. My second favourite song of 2007.

Average score - 8.4/10

2. Feel Like I Do (JCA Remix)

Tommie - 7/10

Slightly overrated by fans, but that doesn't make it a bad track. Makes you want to get heavy with Dannii.

Jay - 7/10

A saucy floorfiller, what Dannii does best and should have remained the opening track as it was on UK itunes.

Natty - 6/10

Feels like there’s something lacking in Dannii’s vocals. I don’t know what it is. Do love the remix.

Magical Froggy - 7/10

I like this song, but it is betrayed by its B-Side origins. The vocals are good, the production is great, but it just feels like it never quites get to where it should. Good, but Dannii is capable of better.

Mike - 10/10

The B-side to "So Under Pressure" is a sublime slice of dance-pop and certainly ranks as one of my favourite Dannii songs. A perfect track.

Average score - 7.4/10

3. Perfection (12" Mix)

Tommie - 8/10

Bad lyrics + tacky sampling = heaven.

Jay - 7/10

Cheap, cheerful and fabulous!

Natty - 9/10

Very much like TMLT, I can't fault the track. It’s perfection. No pun intended!

Magical Froggy - 4/10

Quite why it was felt necessary to include the extended version here is beyond me, the radio edit would have been more than sufficient. I will always hold a grudge against this track, seeing as it ended Dannii's run of being playlisted by Radio 1 and hence her chart struggles ever since. The song itself was OK, but Dannii really should have quit the club instrumentals game by this stage.

Mike - 9/10

The second single from "The Hits & Beyond" lives up to its title but there are better mixes of the track than this extended version. Fabulous, nonetheless.

Average score - 7.4/10

4. You Won't Forget About Me

Tommie - 8/10

Another club track and Dannii's first single with AATW. Makes you want to get drunk with your favourite hags and throw flowers around.

Jay - 5/10

But you will forget about this club instrumental with added Dannii lyrics & vocals, better as a stand alone track. However, the stunning video performance gets 8/10.

Natty - 5/10

A song I truly have to be in the mood for.

Magical Froggy - 9/10

What isn't there to love about this? Dannii's falsetto vocals in the chorus really showcase her stunning natural talent, and the repetitive hook totally worms its way into your head. If Dannii is going to insist on her reworked club anthems, maybe its time she dug through the rest of Flower Power's back catalogue.

Mike - 7/10

Dannii's most recent top 10 hit is one of my least favourite singles but works nicely as an album track.

Average score - 6.8/10

5. Love Fight

Tommie - 4/10

Overhyped and demo-ish. Next!

Jay - 0/10

Vile Shite!

Natty - 10/10

Whoever didn’t allow this to be released as a single needs a good kick in the head. Imagine the video!!

Magical Froggy - 3/10

After all the hype surrounding this track I was feverishing awaiting another anthem on a par with WDYLN or SILWY. Instead we got this crap about Dannii wanting to get smacked up by her lover. Um, OK. The frenetic production does my head in, and I just find the whole thing an embarassment.

Mike - 6.5/10

I'm in awe of Dannii's songwriting ability. Who else could write such an upbeat, catchy anthem about domestic violence? Unfortunately, Dannii's visionary lyrics are let down by some of the worst production to emerge from AATW (and that's saying something!)

Average score - 4.7/10

6. I'm Sorry

Tommie - 8/10

How on earth could the previous track be chosen over this for Hits & Beyond? I smell foul play! I bet that evil hag Madonna pulled some strings to get this pulled so that she could release "Sorry" later that year!

Jay - 2/10

So you should be! *skips*

Natty - 5/10

Unfortunatly I find it somewhat bland. I think it’s just a bit repetitive.

Magical Froggy - 8/10

The first truly new song on Club Disco, and this is a winner. The hypnotic bass, tight percussion, heartfelt lyrics and addictive chorus combine to make a potential Dannii classic.

Mike - 9/10

The first new/unreleased song on "Club Disco" is stunning. Written by two alumni of Max Martin's famed Cheiron studio, "I'm Sorry" positively throbs with energy. This poptastic floorfiller should have been a single.

Average score - 7/10

7. Gone

Tommie - 10/10

Dannii is one step away from sampling Moroder, but I love it as much as Dannii seems to love anal sex!

Jay - 9/10

Beyond Fabulous!

Natty - 8/10

I keep wondering if this track samples another song. I’m thinking Donna Summer. It sounds so familiar. This also would’ve been a pumping track had someone bothered to release it at the time of Hits and Beyond.

Magical Froggy - 5/10

Another filler from The Hits And Beyond. The stilted vocal rhythm of the chorus sounds awkward, the lyrics are borderline crap ('fill me up with your love' is hardly original), and Dannii sounds weak at the upper end of her vocal range. One to skip.

Mike - 9/10

One of the best beyond tracks on "The Hits & Beyond", "Gone" has lost none of its sparkle. Top notch dance-pop.

Average score - 8.2/10

8. So Under Pressure (Album Version)

Tommie - 9/10

Touching and significant. Poor Dannii!

Jay - 9.5/10

Beyond Fabulous! An epic that would score full marks if it was the Radio Edit or Extended Mix as the extra "I'm Gonna Shout" bit breaks the flow of the track.

Natty - 8/10

The song has seriously grown on me since its release!

Magical Froggy - 10/10

One of my all time favorite Dannii anthems! Knowing the story behind the lyrics gives them enhanced feeling, but even without that the track is still a killer. The beat, the schizophrenic strings, the pizzicato production, all come together to make magic. I can listen to this for hours and still find new things in it.

Mike - 10/10

Dannii's haunting ode to Kylie's cancer battle redefined the bounds of dance music. Never before has such moving subject matter been accompanied by such a wicked beat. Utterly majestic.

Average score - 9.3/10

9. Good Times (Forty Four's 7" Mix)

Tommie - 6/10

Good enough, but forgettable.

Jay - 4/10

Another cheap and cheerful number that is still quite forgettable and the vocals on this mix are too weak.

Natty - 7.5/10

The songs that originally featured on the Hits and Beyond were beyond fantastic. Another track that could’ve been a great single!

Magical Froggy - 6/10

THAB filler. The production is irritating, but Dannii gives a good mellow vocal.

Mike - 7/10

A rather pointless remix, which fails to improve on the original. I wish they had left this one alone.

Average score - 6.1/10

10. Sunrise

Tommie - 7/10

Dannii's tribute to those early drunken Ibiza mornings, so of course I like it.

Jay - 2/10


Natty - 6.5/10

My least fave track of the H&B “beyond” tracks.

Magical Froggy - 7/10

Besides the chorus, there is little to admire in this track. The 'popping' noise that runs throughout in the background kind of reminds of me someone playing clip-clop with coconut shells, and that's not a good thing.

Mike - 7.5/10

Another "Hits & Beyond" album track. Originally one of my least favourite AATW offerings, "Sunrise" has grown on me immensely. The song loses a point for reminding me of Kylie's vile "Rendezvous At Sunset" every time I listen to it.

Average score - 6/10

11. He's The Greatest Dancer (LMC Edit)

Tommie - 5/10

Limp. I don't mind Dannii doing covers, but this has no energy. Needs to be trashier!

Jay - 5/10

As a one off, acceptable but as an album track is annoying. Can do better.

Natty - 8/10

Dancing with the staaaaaaaaaaaaaaars! The song shot up after Dannii’s wonderful performance on DWTS.

Magical Froggy - 10/10

When I first heard Dannii was covering this (4 ha NumBAr WUn CildRan iNe NeID SIngFAL!!!1!) I thought this was going to be the final nail in her pop coffin. I shouldn't have doubted the Queen of Clubs though, she really took this song and made it her own (especially with her flawless live performance!). It's a shame she never gave this a proper UK release, I'm sure this would have comfortably nestled in between Dannii's other Top 30 'hits'.

Mike - 9.5/10

Fuck off, haters! Dannii's #37 smash hit is epic and the LMC edit remains a triumph. Only Holidannii could improve on Sister Sledge.

Average score - 7.5/10

12. I Can't Sleep At Night

Tommie - 8/10

On first listen it's a bit boring, but sticks on you after a while.

Jay - 10/10

Beyond fabulous!

Natty - 8.5/10

Definatly a highlight on the album, even if it has featured on ‘Hits and Beyond’ and probably countless other cheaptastic albums.

Magical Froggy - 10/10

The fact that this is one of my highest played tracks on my iPod says enough. This is one of Dannii's hidden gems, and why she shelved it to release Perfection is beyond me. I love the fun and simple lyrics, Jewels & Stone's poptastic production and even the video (even though some deride it).

Mike - 10/10

The best non-single from "The Hits & Beyond" - everything about this gorgeous anthem is exquisite. The production is excellent, the lyrics are saucy and Dannii's voice is butter! Throw in the brilliant Afterlife remixes and smutty video and you have one of the best singles never released.

Average score - 9.3/10

13. I Will Come To You

Tommie - 7/10

Like "Love Fight" it has a demo-ish quality to it, but it's a grower.

Jay - 9.5/10

Beyond Fabulous! Really suits Dannii's voice and an amazing track - easily the best of the "new" tracks.

Natty - 4/10

It’s a bit shit really.

Magical Froggy - 6/10

Again this is track that never quite gets to where it should. The dirty bass, crisp beat and the sweeping synths are all present and correct, but probably to the extent where they drown out the meandering vocals.

Mike - 9.5/10

The second new/unreleased track isn't as instant as "I'm Sorry" but it's just as good. Penned by Nine Woodford and Rob Davis, "I Will Come To You" is surprisingly dark and moody. The intro is slightly jarring but the chorus is gorgeous. I particularly love the lyric "you are my home and home is where the heart is". This could be a real grower.

Average score - 7.2/10

14. I've Been Waiting For You

Tommie - 6/10

The 90s called and they want their track back.

Jay - 3/10

I've been waiting for you - So I can press the "Skip" button again. Horribly dated.

Natty - 6/10

I bet Dannii plays this everytime she releases a new single. I’ve been waiting for a #1 hit that’s not on the dance charts.

Magical Froggy - 8/10

Another track scraped off a B-Side, but one that stands up amongst the others on Club Disco. Dannii's whispered vocals are again at risk of being drowned out, but there's no denying the catchiness of the chorus.

Mike - 7/10

The B-side to "Perfection" is Dannii by the numbers. Decent filler.

Average score - 6/10

15. Round The World

Tommie - 7/10

Dannii promises to travel round the world for her man. Or something. Could be better, but not bad.

Jay - 6/10

Decent filler.

Natty - 8/10

I bet Dannii has this on maximum rotation while she’s off jet-setting around the world on holiday.

Magical Froggy - 9/10

One of the better new tracks exclusive to this release. The stacatto beat and Dannii's vocal experimentation come together with tremendous effect. More like this please Ms. Minogue!

Mike - 8.5/10

A collaboration with Terry "Tezza" Ronald and Ian Masterson, "Round The World" is a burst of old school Dannii - unfortunately it's not the best example of what this fabulous trio can achieve. "Round The World" isn't awful by any means, it just sounds half finished. I love the throbbing guitar line but I have a feeling this was a work in progress. A treat for fans.

Average score - 7.7/10

16. Xanadu

Tommie - 10/10

Words cannot describe. For once the hype was true.

Jay - 8/10

Stunning take on this ONJ classic that really suits Dannii's voice and style.

Natty - 8.5/10

Love, love, love the arrangement!

Magical Froggy - 5/10

Having never really been aware of Olivia's original until recently, I wasn't sure what the fuss was about this cover. I heard Dannii's version first and found it to be a laconic affair; over long and hardly the camp anthem I was expecting. The production is 'interesting', but that is about all really. The 'popped up' live version, however, is wonderful. If only there was a studio version of that (outside of Nathan's iPod that is).

Mike - 10/10

I've been eagerly awaiting Dannii's version of Olivia Newton-John's 80s classic since Dannii first announced that she had covered it. The original is one of my favourite tracks of all time and I was prepared to be sorely disappointed by this cover. I should have had more faith in Dannii's infinite musical wisdom because her "Xanadu" completely re-constructs the song, creating something wonderfully new and different. Dannii's "Xanadu" is a sparse, dark and languid piece of electro brilliance that deserves to be heard.

Average score - 8.3/10

17. You Won't Forget About Me (Afterlife Lounge Mix Edit)

Tommie - 9/10

Chill-out Dannii for the last two tracks of the album. I slightly prefer the "You Want Forget About Me" mix, but both are bliss.

Jay - 4/10


Natty - 7.5/10

This sounds like something you’d get in some D-grade porn movie, bless Dannii.

Magical Froggy - 6/10

Pleasant enough, but not exactly worthy of inclusion on the album and should have been left on the single.

Mike - 9/10

Afterlife should be contractually obliged to provide a lounge remix of every Dannii single! I much prefer this sultry mix of "You Won't Forget About Me" to the original. Perfect chill out music.

Average score - 7.1/10

18. I Can't Sleep At Night (Afterlife Lounge Mix)

Tommie - 8/10

Chill-out Dannii for the last two tracks of the album. I slightly prefer the "You Want Forget About Me" mix, but both are bliss.

Jay - 8/10

Fabulous and haunting version of this epic!

Natty - 5.5/10

Another porn sounding mix. Still prefer YWFAM though.

Magical Froggy - 7/10

The better of the two Afterlife mixes, and it really allows Dannii's vocals to shine away from the heavy production of the studio version. The restructuring of the harmonies also allows this song to be heard in a new light.

Mike - 10/10

This is Afterlife's finest moment and one of Dannii's best ever remixes. The lush instrumentation is a thing of beauty. A perfect way to finish off a truly magnificent album.

Average score - 7.7/10

Do You Believe Me Now (iTunes Bonus Track)

Tommie - 9/10

Ibiza Dannii strikes again! Sadly, this is only a iTunes bonus track, which is a shame because this is potential single release.

Jay - 3/10

Rather bland.


Did not review.

Magical Froggy - 10/10

Boo hiss at Roger Sanchez for sticking his oar in over this track getting a full release! One of the best tracks Dannii has ever recorded; an emotional vocal delivery, a reverberating bassline and crisp beats come together perfectly. The album is worth it for this track alone, shame then that it's not actually on it.

Mike - 10/10

Dannii's much anticipated collaboration with Roger Sanchez is superb. This sunny dance anthem is so much sweeter than I expected. The lyrics are cute and Dannii sounds more lovely than ever - if that's even possible! I love the male backing vocals in the breakdown. The mid-tempo pace is also a great introduction to the lounge tracks that follow. Well worth the wait!

Average score - 8/10

In conclusion, "Club Disco" is fucking brilliant. Hurry up and buy it!

Friday, 9 May 2008

5 Reasons Why Dannii Is Better Than Jesus

Devoted Droids know that Dannii is our true saviour, but why, you might ask? Well, here are 5 indisputable reasons:

1. Dannii Loves The Gays
For years, Dannii has shown her love and devotion to The Gays by performing, being a fag hag and a devoted carpet muncher! She's set her sights on being the most fabulous and fierce Gay Icon in high heels!

2. Dannii Has Better Hair
Jesus' hair is all greasy and disgusting while Dannii's hair looks nice and you want to touch it like that. Get lost, Jesus -you greasy hippie!

3. Dannii Has Holidays
Unlike Jesus, who claims to be our 'saviour', Dannii knows how to take a rest from it all and remains more sane for it! Jesus is just raving mad and has unreasonable demands, unlike Dannii! If it's fun, Dannii's with it - if it's fun, Jesus is against it! Go fuck yourself Jesus!

4. Dannii Gives Us More
Dannii gave us a drug-taking game to "Coconut" - what did Jesus give us? Cheap-ass wine! Boo Jesus! Hurray Dannii!

5. Dannii Loves Anal
Like most of her fans, Dannii loves to do it up the bum (no babies) as indicated on her stunning anthem "Gone". Jesus, on the other hand, is all about fertility and stuff. What a fucking bore! Who would want to follow him anyway?

These are just a few reasons why Dannii should be your true saviour instead of Jesus Christ, but there's many more and I expect to see some of the reasons in the comment field!

Thursday, 8 May 2008

Stop Press - Club Dildo Competition!

Today was better than Christmas. Not only did Central Station kindly send me an autographed copy of "Club Dildo", they also sent me 3 (unautographed - sorry!) copies to give away! Jay is already running a competition, so I decided to run this one from Pop Trash Addicts to avoid any confusion. All you have to do is answer one simple question to be in the running to win this stunning prize! Check out the competition details here. I'll send the CDs anywhere in the world, so our international friends are welcome to enter!

Club Dildo - Autographed!

You're looking at my very own autographed copy of "Club Dildo" courtesy of our kind friends over at Dannii's label! Isn't it lovely? I can't believe Dannii's delicate fingers touched this piece of paper less than a week ago. Thank you, Central Station. I'll treasure it forever!

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Club $ucce$$

Stop the presses - Dannii actually has $ucce$$! With her music career! Club Disco has exceeded everyone's expectations and is currently at a very respectable number 19 on Australia's iTunes Top 100 albums chart. Too bad it isn't eligible for ARIA, since it might've actually peaked higher than #169.

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Australia's Got Talent - Episode 2

I could write about the dancing grannies, the slutty identical twins or the fabulous drag queen but episode 2 of Australia's Got Talent was all about Dannii dissing Vanessa Amorosi's dad! I was really quite shocked when they announced that Vanessa's father was going to perform - Ness Ness must be hanging her head in shame at the lesbian bar tonight. I didn't think Mr Amorosi was shockingly bad but he certainly doesn't share his daughter's vocal ability. Don't they say these things skip a generation? Anyway, the other two judges that no one cares about voted to put him through to the next round but Dannii bitched about his choice of song, chided him for singing in the wrong key and was the only judge to reject him. Ness Ness is gonna be pissed! Dannii had better watch out or that butch dyke will rip Dannii a new arsehole! I can't wait for Mr Amorosi to return. I bet Vanessa breaks into Dannii's dressing room with a broken bottle and has words with our holy icon! All in all, another stunning hour of trashy entertainment.

Ness Ness always has time for a woolly muff

Sunday, 4 May 2008

Blame Nathan!

A number of fans have been up in arms since Dannii's holy webmaster announced there was a tracklisting error on "Club Disco". Apparently, the "Touch Me Like That" remix featured on the album is not the Space Cowboy Mix as listed. I asked Central Station for some clarification on the matter and also pointed out the iTunes mix up and here's what Dannii's A&R Manager had to say:

I can't see the error with the Space Cowboy mix. This is what Nathan sent over to me and I checked it against the Space Cowboy mixes you can hear on various online record stores and it appears to be the same. Nathan organised for AATW to send me the correct mix, so I assumed it was correct. I've got our digital guys looking at the spelling mistake on the iTunes release. Good spotting!

Dannii looking like SEX at the Logie Awards

It was great to see the baps were out!

Dannii presented the award for Best Comedy. Anyway, Kath and Kim won. The highlight was seeing Dannii on bended knee presenting the award to Gina Reilly and Jane Turner.

I'm sure once more pics are up and about we'll share them all with you, as well as any footage that may popup on youtube.

Dannii with her Australia's Got Talent judges, Red Symons and Tom Burlinson.

Dannii's CD Launch From Hell

Firstly, I would like to wholeheartedly apologise to everyone who attended last night's "Club Disco" launch party on my recommendation. I was secretly expecting the worst given the classy venue but even I couldn't foresee the hilarious debacle that ensued. I arrived at Stonewall shortly after 10pm expecting to find the party in full swing. Unfortunately, there was no sign of any Dannii-related activity - only the usual bunch of tragic 18 year old queens. I thought I might have been on the wrong floor, so I asked one of the guys behind the bar. He only gave me a blank look and said "What Dannii party?" Most sane people would have cut their losses but I decided to hang around and mingle with the other bewildered Dannii fans who had started to arrive. Just as I had given up all hope, a pissed tranny grabbed the microphone and made a sarcastic remark about Dannii having another Greatest Hits compilation containing no hits. At least I think that's what she said but it could have been an auditory hallucination because I had been leaving my drink unattended in the vain hope that someone would take pity on me and spike it. After that rousing introduction, they played a couple of Dannii videos on the Jukebox (nothing actually featured on "Club Disco") and that was it! So embarrassing. So tragic. So Dannii.

Friday, 2 May 2008

Club Disco - Available Now!

Brace yourselves people, "Club Disco" has officially arrived! I stumbled down to my local JB Hi-Fi this morning and found a whopping two copies hidden away under Kylie Minogue! Grrrr! What's worse, both copies were kind of banged up and scratched but I bought them anyway. It really is a fabulous package. The ripped off cover art is lovely and I appreciate the booklet including the lyrics and a pic of the "Touch Me Like That" lesbians! Unfortunately, it seems they have fucked up the Space Cowboy Mix of that classic - yet again. That's not quite as bad as the iTunes release which is selling "Do You Believe Me Now?" under the title "Do You Believe In Me". They have even spelled "Believe" wrong - it's listed as "Beleive"! A little quality control people! The physical version is selling for the bargain price of $18.99, while a digital copy goes for $20.99. Hurry up and buy your copy today! Meanwhile, check out our "Club Dildo" promo if you haven't already. Amusingly, it was briefly the 89th most viewed youtube music video in Australia!!

Tuesday, 29 April 2008

Dannii's Baps Rock Fashion Week

The fashion world is still coming to terms with the fabulousness of Dannii's stunning baps at MAC Cosmetics' "Gold Fever" party. Ms Minogue was chosen to perform a medley of disco hits at the Studio 54 themed event and wore an exclusive outfit from J'Aton. Dannii should get that designer to whip up all her costumes because she looks absolutely breathtaking! The Baps, in particular, appear truly epic in that delicious gown! I'm not sure of the setlist but I assume she sang "Xanadu" and possibly "He's The Greatest Dancer" but I'd love to know if she dusted off another disco classic to cover. Fingers crossed that a video of this amazing performance eventually appears on the net!

MSN Viciously Attacks Dannii

Whilst killing time reading an article on MSN about TV shows past their prime, I was somewhat surprised to see The X Factor being cited as an example. What was even more horrifying was their reason: the Queen of Clubs herself!

TV Shows That Lost It

The X Factor - The addition of Dannii Minogue and Brian
Friedman (followed by his very public humiliation as he
was unceremoniously dumped for being rubbish) speaks
volumes. Tinkering with a format to 'freshen up' or 'sex up'
a show is generally an acknowledgement that it is going stale. In 2007, The
X Factor was only saved by the flamboyance of Rhydian Roberts.

Clearly these sad nobodies feel so bitter about their own lives they have nothing better to do than rip to shreds the hard work that Dannii has put into entertaining the masses. I'd like to see the MSN office geeks singlehandedly juggle successful music and TV careers on opposite sides of the planet. Dannii is a global entertainment icon and deserves respect, not venomous scorn. Shame on you, MSN.

Australia's Got Talent - Episode 1

Australia's Got Talent returned this evening in a blaze of low brow glory. Seriously, this has got to be one of the trashiest shows in the history of television! Tonight's performances included dancing children, a Middle Eastern tranny impersonating a bird and a barbershop quartet. That's not even mentioning the glorious presence of Ms Minogue! And let's face it, Dannii really is the cherry on top of this deliciously camp concoction.

Our girl really is the star of the show. She never fails to get her baps in a flap over even the most mediocre talent and always heats up the screen with a sexy look or saucy pose while delivering judgement. A perfect example was Dannii's shameless flirting with a muscular wood chopper on tonight's episode. I can't believe she even went back stage to sign his axe! Is no man safe from this desperate woman's clutches?! As fabulous as Dannii's flirting was, the absolute highlight for me was her reaction to the (surprisingly good) Kylie impersonator. I can't wait for the clip to hit youtube because Dannii's face was priceless. You just knew she wanted to give that poor diva the boot! For the sake of future fireworks, I hope faux Kylie makes the final. Bring on next week!

Dannii's Sexual Sunrise Interview

Here she is, making poor James Tobin blush! He's clearly hungry for The Baps!

Monday, 28 April 2008

Public Service Announcement

Attention all Aussies.

Don't forget that Australia's Got Talent begins tonight at 7:30pm on ch:7. That's straight after Home and Away.

I expect all of you to be watching tonight, none of this Big Brother shenanigans.

I'd also like to let everyone know that I'm off to tapings this Thursday and the following Tuesday.

That's all.

Club Disco - The Official DDB Promo

Hot on the heels of our first venture into the world of craptastic video promotion comes our second zero budget youtube extravaganza! I'm proud to present you with our very own contribution to the awe inspiring "Club Disco" publicity blitz - a staggering opus full of celebrity cameos, shocking revelations and stunning imagery. This is our biggest and boldest production yet! Please send the link around to your friends as a reminder of the album's impending release. "Club Disco" might not be chart eligible but we want to remind certain parties that Dannii's loyal fanbase is still very much intact. I'd like to thank Magical Froggy for taking my rough ideas and turning them into something extraordinary. Enjoy!

Sunday, 27 April 2008

Dannii - On The Prowl!

Sydney Confidential is reporting that man hungry Dannii pounced on Sunrise reporter James Tobin during an interview. Someone needs to courier over Dannii's box of toys from the UK before things get out of hand!

SUNRISE junior showbiz reporter James Tobin was apparently like a pre-pubescent teenager after veteran Dannii Minogue turned cougar during a TV chat over the weekend.

Tobin asked the Australia's Got Talent judge if she was seeing anyone, to which she replied she was dating and having fun. A flirtatious Minogue then asked Tobin if he was seeing anyone.

"The room was certainly hot," one studio spy told Confidential.

"She was flirting outrageously with him, and he could barely talk."

Tobin, who replaced Jono Coleman as the brekky-TV entertainment guy, managed to get his act together and complete the interview.

Klub Dizko Owt Nixt Wik Youze Guyz1111

Yet again evil sistah kile is trying to steal the spotlight from Dannii! The older Minogue sibling is starting her tour next week - days after Dannii's latest stunning compilation of old "hits" you didn't buy the first time round! The bitch.

This shall be a week of great promo! And it shall be rewarded as I have decided to run a small competition.

Submit (and use) your best Club Disco Promo Advert [use the "add comment" feature] and win a prize of little value or significance! I might even post it to you....

As you can see by my excellent photochop skills, the standard is cheap and easy - much like Dannii's taste in lascivious lusty lipstick lesbian lapdancers. Gratuitous placing of the DanniiBaps shall of course count heavily in your favour.

keEp voYtiNk aN maK dAni nUmbaR wUn11111iii212

Friday, 25 April 2008

Club Disco - CD Launch!

Central Station Records invite you to celebrate the launch of "Club Disco" at Stonewall on the 3rd of May. It sounds like a classy event befitting our fabulous icon, so I'll definitely be dropping by to check things out. Make sure you come over and say hello. I'll be the drunk poof in the corner making uncouth jokes about "Club Dildo". See you there!

Dannii Minogue - The People's Diva

More stunning promo for Dannii's chart ineligible opus:

SYDNEY'S Kidman clan would do well to take a leaf out of those Melbourne Minogues' book when it comes to dealing with fame.

While the Kidmans are besieged by paparazzi, chased down city streets and their every move monitored, in Melbourne the equally famous Minogues go quietly about their days hardly registering a blip on the celebrity radar.

And don't let anyone tell you it's because Melburnians don't care (the Minogues are considered icons down south, with just about everyone having their own Minogue tale to share).

The family tend to do things with little fuss. Last weekend PS caught up with Dannii Minogue on the set of Australia's Got Talent.

Over a glass of bubbly and chicken sandwiches, the slightly less famous Minogue was refreshingly normal and remarkably candid.

Apart from the well-documented physical transformation she has undergone, not much has changed about the 37-year-old since she first trod the boards on Young Talent Time more than two decades ago.

So, despite the broad nose miraculously disappearing, the even broader Melbourne accent is still there, as are the impeccable manners and all-round niceness this seasoned "hoofer" has become known for. "Oh, thanks, darl," she says when passed a glass of champers.

Minogue has been doing the publicity rounds since arriving back in her hometown. However, unlike other stars (even her own sister) who have journalists corralled into undignified rooms to face demands to see questions before being allowed into the star's suite, Dannii is far more approachable.

At one interview last week, Minogue was due to meet her publicist outside a swanky Melbourne hotel before joining the reporter inside.

A few minutes before the meeting the publicist saw a family station wagon pull up outside the hotel with a familiar face behind the steering wheel - Dannii's mum, Carol Minogue.

Sitting next to Carol was Dannii's granny, while Dannii was in the back seat saying her goodbyes. No limos, no bodyguards and not a single flashbulb.

"It was like watching a soccer mum drop off the kids at the Saturday game … She is totally unaffected," PS's mole reports. And where do Australia's favourite pop divas stay when they are in Melbourne? At home with the folks, of course.

Dannii and Kylie each have bedrooms at Ron and Carol's suburban home, a sizeable McMansion the pop stars bought for their parents and which they privately refer to as "the Taj Minogue".

Read the full article here.

Dannii In Woman's Day

Dannii graced the pages of Woman's Day this week to promote Australia's Got Talent. The interview isn't exactly revealing but Dannii talks about being single, her feud with Sharon Osbourne and answers the obligatory questions about Kylie's cancer. I'm shocked that Dannii failed to slip in a plug for "Club Disco". She's slipping! I particularly love the new AGT promo pics. Dannii is looking seriously trannytastic in her killer red heels!

Thursday, 24 April 2008

Club Disco getting RAVE reviews on the Sanity and JB Hi-Fi websites!!!

From the Sanity Website!

The nation's Queen of Dance returns with a new artist album for 2008, featuring the UK Dance Chart #1 'Touch Me Like That', plus the hit singles 'Perfection', 'So Under Pressure' and the LMC edit of 'He's The Greatest Dancer'. Dannii's reign as Queen of the Clubs is undeniable, with 13 UK Club Chart #1's and four top selling albums to her name since 1997.

Club Disco also contains a second disc of hot remixes. $ucce$$ indeed!

The JB Hi-Fi Review:

One of the nation's best loved pop princesses returns with a new artist album for 2008, featuring the UK Dance Chart #1 'Touch Me Like That', plus the hit singles 'Perfection', 'So Under Pressure' and the LMC edit of 'He's The Greatest Dancer'. With a starring role as a guest judge on the new series of Australia's Got Talent on Channel 7, plus guest spots on Dancing With The Stars and guaranteed ongoing media appearances and interest, Dannii's profile has never been stronger and will see huge interest in this release Dannii's reign as the Queen Of Clubs is undeniable, with 13 UK club chart #1s and four top selling albums to her name since 1997 (more than any other female artist in history).

Gr8 Promoz uze guyz!!11!!!!

Here at DDB, we want to make sure Dannii sells more than 10 copies of Club Disco, so I want you all to download some of these craptacular siggies and use them on whatever forums you post on. Spread the word!

Also, don't forget to direct link the image to either SANITY or JB HI-FI. My suggestion is to go with Sanity, as it's $3 more expensive there and Dannii may need the money, I don't really know for sure.