Saturday, 28 April 2007

He's The Greatest Dancer - A #1 Hit!!!

If only the official ARIA Chart looked like this! Dannii topped the Sanity Singles Chart last week, selling more copies than the official #1 - Missy Higgins' unbearably vile "Steer". I suspect the reason for Dannii's disproportionately high chart placing is due to the fact that Sanity includes international sales from their website. I doubt the addition of these sales would have drastically altered Dannii's chart position but it is heartening to see that Dannii's army of followers remain as loyal as ever.

Tuesday, 24 April 2007

The Trials And Tribulations Of Dannii Fandom

Dannii - On High Beam!

Dannii's latest single, "He's The Greatest Dancer", debuted in Australian Singles Chart at a very respectable #37 this week. The song marks Dannii's 8th consecutive Australian top 40 hit, making this by far the most successful period in a music career spanning more than two decades. With most artists, a similar achievement would be greeted by an enthusiastic fan response. In Dannii's case, the droids (hardcore Dannii Board fans) were inconsolable and the rest of her fans were falling over themselves to declare the song a "flop", "a bomb" and even "the end of Dannii's career". The majority of Dannii's fans appear to be deluded, ignorant or downright hateful. In this post, I will analyse the success of "He's The Greatest Dancer" and attempt to answer two of life's great mysteries: 1) Why are Dannii fans so fucked up? and 2) Who are more offensive - the droids or the bitches?

"He's The Greatest Dancer" is clearly no smash hit. The song wont receive any kind of sales accreditation and it wont trouble the end of year bestseller list. However, if you judge the success of every release by those criteria, every song that fails to top the chart would be a complete disaster. A number 37 chart placing is commendable for a gay disco anthem released on a small independent record label without a video. When you take into consideration the fact that the song and all its mixes have been leaked for almost a year, the chart placing of "He's The Greatest Dancer" is excellent. The result also needs to be viewed in the context of Dannii's career. Her last release, "So Under Pressure", charted at number 16 before downloads were counted toward the chart. "He's The Greatest Dancer" placed at number 26 on the physical singles chart and unlike "So Under Pressure", it was not supported by a video clip, a tour or even Dannii shamelessly claiming that the song was about Kylie's cancer! "He's The Greatest Dancer" will not go down as Dannii's finest chart moment but it is far from a failure.

This leads us to my first question. Why are Dannii fans either woefully deluded or bitter and twisted? Anyone who has had the "pleasure" of posting on the Dannii Board will be familiar with the droids. They brazenly predict that every Dannii release will be a multi-platinum smash and label anyone who remotely criticises Dannii a "hater". I have been a loyal Dannii fan since the 80s but I still get hate mail from certain droids for the shocking crime of celebrating Lezzigate and posting pictures of the Dannii Goose. Apparently, I'm destroying Dannii's good name! I think a psychiatry degree is needed to get to the root issues plaguing the droids but I think the main reason for their delusions of Dannii grandeur is pretty clear - deep down the droids expect Dannii to be as successful as Kylie. Since "Light Years", Kylie's lowest charting single is #20. For Dannii to achieve anything less is unacceptable to the droids. The droids have simply gone mad waiting for Dannii's moment in the sun. The situation would actually be quite sad if the droids weren't such humourless cunts.

The other major section of Dannii fandom is more difficult to explain. I'm talking about the people who appear to follow Dannii's career intently with the sole purpose of ridiculing everything she does and rubbing salt into Dannii's wounds when she (regularly) falls on her face. The backslapping that accompanied the chart result of "He's The Greatest Dancer" was vomit inducing. I'm used to bitchy queens on the internet but this outpouring of bile was something to behold. Every queen with an internet connection threw in their 2 cents - Dannii is irrelevant, Dannii is lazy, the choice of song was terrible, Dannii's plastic surgery frightened punters away and so on and so forth. Strangely, these people all seem to consider themselves fans. I questioned a couple of these individuals about their behaviour and they claimed to be frustrated with the droids and with Dannii. Again, I have to wonder what these people actually expect from a dance artist on a tiny label.

This leads me to my second question - which group of Dannii fans is the most unbearable? Personally, I think that both fractions suck shit and as far as I'm concerned, they can all go and fuck themselves. Mixing with other fans should be an enjoyable experience, not a masochistic exercise. Fans who enjoy Dannii for her unequalled fabulousness and hilarious flaws can worship Dannii with me inside Dannii's Dirty Box. The rest of you can get fucked.

How I Feel After Visiting The Dannii Board

Tuesday, 17 April 2007

Dannii On Dancing With The Stars!

Dannii performed on Channel 7's hugely popular "Dancing With The Stars" last night and our heavenly diva reinforced her standing as a true pop legend with an absolutely stunning performance of "He's The Greatest Dancer". You can watch Dannii's magnificent performance above.

Dirty, old Daryl's introduction was hilarious. He desperately held onto her single and announced that Dannii "has had so many #1 hits, it's unbelievable"! Unfortunately, this moment has been edited from the youtube clip. Dannii then appeared on a staircase wearing a slutastic green dress, split right up the middle, so you could basically see everything but her lady bits. The matching silver bra and necklace look amazing and Dannii actually sang live. I think Dannii gives a fantastic vocal performance. I also loved her male dancers but Dannii doesn't do much dancing herself, preferring to spin around so her dress would fly up!

My favourite part was the interview at the end, when Daryl told her that he expected "He's The Greatest Dancer" to hit #1 because she's had so many hits. The look on poor Dannii's face was priceless. Dannii then showed off her stunning wit and intelligence by talking about ballroom dancing and her role as the reigning Queen of dance.

Make sure to order your copy of "He's The Greatest Dancer" from Chaos, Sanity or iTunes. Due to distribution problems, the single is rather difficult to find in stores. I hope it doesn't affect Dannii's chart placing too greatly.

Monday, 9 April 2007

Dannii Not Assured Of X Factor

It seems we might have all been prematurely excited about Dannii being offered a job as a judge on the UK's "X Factor" talent show. Dannii told today's Daily Telegraph newspaper that the deal is yet to be signed. I really hope Dannii gets the job, this might be the publicity she needs to kick start her fabulous music career. However, Dannii may struggle with being gainfully employed for such a long period of time. Poor Holidannii must be crying on the inside!

Tuesday, 3 April 2007

This Is The Way - B Sides

"This Is The Way" is one of my favourite Dannii singles. Along with "This Is It", the song is one of the rare pure pop moments on Dannii's otherwise R'n'B heavy "Get Into You". The single is also interesting due to the plethora of cute, bubblegum remixes and the presence of a rather rare B-side, "No Secret". As far as I know, "No Secret" is the only "Get Into You" B-side available on CD. The cassette single of "This Is It" contains a song called "It's Time To Move On" but I have no idea how to rip an MP3 from a cassette.

"No Secret" is a pretty average slice of R'n'B Dannii but it's still a lot of fun. I'm sure a Full Force remix would work wonders for the song. I've also include the extremely entertaining Funk and 5 Boys Mixes of "This Is The Way". Dannii returns to television this week after a short hiatus, so expect an "Australia's Got Talent" update early next week.

Download - No Secret
Download - This Is The Way (5 Boys Mix)
Download - This Is The Way (Funk Mix)

In case anyone is interested, I have written a post about Dannii's fabulous AATW rival, Kelly Llorenna, on my other Blog.