The British public were treated to an extraordinary, and rare, sight last night: the KweEN oV kItshiNz returned to our screens, an incarnation of Dannii not seen since the late '80s! It seemed that time has not dulled our Queen's vegetable chopping abilities; gone are the carrots of the yore and now Dannii has graduated onto truly tricky varieties - pumpkins and asparagus stems.
"But hold on!", I hear you cry, "surely Dannii wouldn't cook her own food??!". I suspect you may be right... I highly doubt Dannii knows where the hob is (assuming her house has one), let alone how to use it. Her press-on nails would get singed faster than you could say "fuck off Kylie" if she ever happened to switch it on. All I can say is, Dannii's hired help have done a remarkable job in teaching Dannii to bluff her way through this programme, even if they forgot to inform her that aprons should be used to cover bare cleavage.
Now, to the show itself. In a remarkably candid interview, Dannii confirms that her beauty (with the exception of her 'floaters') is 100% as God intend (as we all knew), and she has a few choice words about a certain Ms. Osbourne. Dannii is famous for her vicious tongue, and it is a real pleasure to see it being put to such good use.
But what did the rich kid, food critic-wannabes think of Dannii's culinary abilities...?
SPOILER ALERT! Read no further if you are yet to see the video!
It seems our Dannii is destined for failure, not only are the public indifferent to her latest club anthems, it seems they are also equally ambivalent towards her risotto. Oh well, what's one more flop between friends?! ;) And as for the heartfelt farewell between Gordon and Dannii, it is so endearing to see other celebrities treating Dannii with the due respect she deserves.
Dannii: Queen of Kitchens. Long may she reign!