Tuesday, 24 April 2007

The Trials And Tribulations Of Dannii Fandom

Dannii - On High Beam!

Dannii's latest single, "He's The Greatest Dancer", debuted in Australian Singles Chart at a very respectable #37 this week. The song marks Dannii's 8th consecutive Australian top 40 hit, making this by far the most successful period in a music career spanning more than two decades. With most artists, a similar achievement would be greeted by an enthusiastic fan response. In Dannii's case, the droids (hardcore Dannii Board fans) were inconsolable and the rest of her fans were falling over themselves to declare the song a "flop", "a bomb" and even "the end of Dannii's career". The majority of Dannii's fans appear to be deluded, ignorant or downright hateful. In this post, I will analyse the success of "He's The Greatest Dancer" and attempt to answer two of life's great mysteries: 1) Why are Dannii fans so fucked up? and 2) Who are more offensive - the droids or the bitches?

"He's The Greatest Dancer" is clearly no smash hit. The song wont receive any kind of sales accreditation and it wont trouble the end of year bestseller list. However, if you judge the success of every release by those criteria, every song that fails to top the chart would be a complete disaster. A number 37 chart placing is commendable for a gay disco anthem released on a small independent record label without a video. When you take into consideration the fact that the song and all its mixes have been leaked for almost a year, the chart placing of "He's The Greatest Dancer" is excellent. The result also needs to be viewed in the context of Dannii's career. Her last release, "So Under Pressure", charted at number 16 before downloads were counted toward the chart. "He's The Greatest Dancer" placed at number 26 on the physical singles chart and unlike "So Under Pressure", it was not supported by a video clip, a tour or even Dannii shamelessly claiming that the song was about Kylie's cancer! "He's The Greatest Dancer" will not go down as Dannii's finest chart moment but it is far from a failure.

This leads us to my first question. Why are Dannii fans either woefully deluded or bitter and twisted? Anyone who has had the "pleasure" of posting on the Dannii Board will be familiar with the droids. They brazenly predict that every Dannii release will be a multi-platinum smash and label anyone who remotely criticises Dannii a "hater". I have been a loyal Dannii fan since the 80s but I still get hate mail from certain droids for the shocking crime of celebrating Lezzigate and posting pictures of the Dannii Goose. Apparently, I'm destroying Dannii's good name! I think a psychiatry degree is needed to get to the root issues plaguing the droids but I think the main reason for their delusions of Dannii grandeur is pretty clear - deep down the droids expect Dannii to be as successful as Kylie. Since "Light Years", Kylie's lowest charting single is #20. For Dannii to achieve anything less is unacceptable to the droids. The droids have simply gone mad waiting for Dannii's moment in the sun. The situation would actually be quite sad if the droids weren't such humourless cunts.

The other major section of Dannii fandom is more difficult to explain. I'm talking about the people who appear to follow Dannii's career intently with the sole purpose of ridiculing everything she does and rubbing salt into Dannii's wounds when she (regularly) falls on her face. The backslapping that accompanied the chart result of "He's The Greatest Dancer" was vomit inducing. I'm used to bitchy queens on the internet but this outpouring of bile was something to behold. Every queen with an internet connection threw in their 2 cents - Dannii is irrelevant, Dannii is lazy, the choice of song was terrible, Dannii's plastic surgery frightened punters away and so on and so forth. Strangely, these people all seem to consider themselves fans. I questioned a couple of these individuals about their behaviour and they claimed to be frustrated with the droids and with Dannii. Again, I have to wonder what these people actually expect from a dance artist on a tiny label.

This leads me to my second question - which group of Dannii fans is the most unbearable? Personally, I think that both fractions suck shit and as far as I'm concerned, they can all go and fuck themselves. Mixing with other fans should be an enjoyable experience, not a masochistic exercise. Fans who enjoy Dannii for her unequalled fabulousness and hilarious flaws can worship Dannii with me inside Dannii's Dirty Box. The rest of you can get fucked.

How I Feel After Visiting The Dannii Board


Robpop said...

I am totally with you on this. Word for fucking word. Fans are an interesting bunch of society anyway. In many ways they can actually destroy any love or support you might have had left for a given act (See Madonna).

In many ways its about limitations. That's what a good fan is supposed to realise. To recognise diva's are human and need a break. They can't promote everything and cannot be at the right place at the right time all the time. No.1's aint gonna appear like a shit in the morning after a good fuck. When the fuck/song is great it doesnt always mean the body is gonna hit the roof/charts.

What makes Gwen top the chart instead of Robyn? Why does Dannii flop with Xenomania/Metro and Kylie flourish?

These questions I cannot answer. Dannii should be proud of her achievements and fans should be aware of her/their limitations. Robyn is brilliant but I never expect her to chart well. Nor do i deride her when a single flops (who's that girl for example). As a fan I celebrate the fact that she's continuing to record music.

As for dannii i am a semi-fan of hers. I find her both fabulous and annoying. The latter notion comes about only because shes recorded such brilliant pop music and I have the feeling that she doesn't make the best out of the songs she has actually recorded. Perhaps this is the record company. Perhaps it really is dannii. I cannot tell. I get the feeling that its a bit of both. Either way I know the sun shines out of her arse but i am well aware that all the shimmers is not gold.

Dannii as a musician/performer is a hard worker. She grafts. I think some of her fans forget this. Yes there are the infamous holidays but many forget the hard-work of Notre Dame, Greece and the T.V shows.

I think a measure is needed for fans and what they expect from their icons. This Dannii single was never going to be a hit for all the reasons you mentioned in this brilliant post. But even without the leaking i never expect her to do well whether or not the song is amazing or not. This is because she is a BwO. And in this light perhaps Dannii should be celebrated. For Always.

She fights, she dances and she should never be expected to be a sensation. Only because no act should be expected to do that well when James Blunt wins best pop at the brit awards...........

Simply put, fans need to get real and enjoy the fact that the singers are still making music that you can dance to. In many ways, the last few singles from Dannii have been rather low on that factor. Thats not to dispel the likes of Perfection, So Under Pressure and He's the greatest Dancer but i can hear why they charted so poorly.

& that is Dannii is beginning to sound very much out of date. A good pop record has to have that impact of "I'm sure i've heard this before" but not to the extent that dannii's recent musical attempts tend to sound historical. Put Perfection next to her original version of Everlasting Night and the latter sounds more groundbreaking or recent than the former.

Again, its about balance and what we can expect from Dannii and her small dance label.

To me, Dannii needs to work with completely different producers. Perhaps check out Giorgio Moroder is up to these days. Perhaps she should release an album of electrolush covers Aboriginal folk songs. Whatever the case, she needs to break away from the incredibly gray dance music she's been producing since 2004.

Zac said...

Your so hot :-)

Parker Pussy said...

I'm a huge Dannii fan, but as you say "He's the greatest dancer" arrives like three months after it was leaked and at the moment it was not the wisest move (I think it would have been better if she had released "Feel like I do", a "So under preassure" b-side, that is, in fact, way better than most of the "Hits & Beyond" new material). The label and the fans should be happy cause it's one of those total gain cases, zero effort from the label, no video, leaked song for ages, pointless song, top thirty.
Dannii should release an album soon.
Love the blog

Trash Addict said...

Thanks Zac. Nice to see you, Parker Pussy!

Rob - What a great comment! You've been reading my mind again.

Alexander Kidner said...

I totally agree with all you said, but i can't be arsed to say why - i just do Xx

MaryCherry said...

I'm part-time droid, part-time mocker of holiDannii but a full time fan.

HTGD was pretty awful, but all the drama surrounding it made it more interesting to me.

All these prophecies of doom are silly because let's face it, she's doing better than she ever did at the start of her career.

long live drunken rug-munching Disco Dan - Queen of clubs and holidays!

Miss Heide Von Binterschlappen said...

I'd only ever consider myself a casual fan (at best) of Dannii. Part of her appeal is definately the holidaying, the floppage and the occasional racy scandal (the sizzling sapphic sexploits and lusty labia-licking of Lezzigate were beyond fabulous!). However, I have made no secret of how much I loath the Droids and their attempts to dress up Dannii a multiplatinum global superstar with more $ucce$$ than The Beatles, The Doodoo and The entire Jackson Family combined.

That would probably make me more of the second group, though i would like to think I can be objective when discussing Dannii's career relative to her career history as well as to her competition.

I think that a big part of the Danniifan Divide is that her fanbase invests more time and energy to her career sometimes than she seems to...

tommie said...

Haha, surprisingly, I agree with you.

To be honest - I enjoy Dannii for what she is, a pop queen who has a hit ever now and again, but I can get really annoyed with the Droids who aren't very realistic, so to speak.

Anonymous said...

once again i've had a good laugh reading your fairly accurate tako on the events of the past few weeks in danniiland.

i must confess that i have been reading up bigtime on the aatw dannii forum - the same appeal / compulsion as watching a car crash...you know it's wrong, but you just can't seem to help yourself.

while i felt realistically htgd wouldn't make a big impact and draw in many new fans, there was still that part of me that hoped (against all reason) that it would do very well.

i think that we all have that hope of success for the ones we care about. as you've pointed out, it's done well to be her 8th top 40 track & she is kicking goals in other areas of her life...

i love dannii's music - it makes me happy & god bless her for that i say.

Tsani said...

Is she having fun? That's really all I give a damn about.
I like the fact that's she's NOT Kylie, but different. Kylie is the undisputed Queen of Pop, but that does not mean that her sister can't be Goddess of the Dance (and Leisure). That makes it easy and even more enjoyable to have them both on the same mix tape. To me it was never an issue of her "keeping up", but I see how it looks that way to the general public.
Loved your blog on it, though. I'm gonna hafta bookmark this somewhere.
And I agree with pretty much everybody's comments.