Dannii - Sci Fi Queen?

Sometimes I wonder if English newspapers intentionally take the piss. The Sun has dished up an amusing article suggesting that Dannii is going to follow in Kylie's footsteps by appearing on a popular science fiction television show ("Torchwood"). Doesn't this "journalist" know that Kylie follows in Dannii's footsteps, not the other way around!?! Dannii was famous first, Dannii worked with Cathy Dennis first and Dannii discovered Botox first! However, my favourite part is when the journalist claims that her "Aussie spies" tell her that Dannii is working on a cover of "Xanadu". Can someone please tell this woman that the song was released over a month ago?! Read this Pulitzer prize worthy piece of journalism here.

KYLIE got it on with Dr Who last night, now sis Dannii Minogue is tipped to play a part in the sci-fi spin-off series Torchwood.

Singer and X Factor judge Dannii, 36, is keen to give it a go and the show’s star John Barrowman (Captain Jack) said: “I’d love it if Dannii appeared in Torchwood. She has an edge and I know she’s a fan of the show.”

Millions were last night glued to their screens to watch pop princess Kylie star in the Dr Who Christmas special. Kylie, 39, played plucky waitress Astrid, and shared a snog with the Doctor (David Tennant) as they battled disaster on the Titanic.

But Kylie came to an unfortunate end after saving the Doctor’s life – just after he had asked her to become his new assistant. Dannii, who mentored winner Leon in the ITV1 hit, will return to The X Factor next year. A show source said: “Dannii’s riding high after Leon won.” Danni’s in Melbourne with Kylie after they hired a private jet to fly home for Christmas.

Our Aussie spies also tell me Dannii has recorded a cover of Olivia Newton-John’s hit Xanadu.

The Gift Of Christmas

I'm sorry for being so quiet this week but I've been taking inspiration from Dannii, working on my (non-existent) tan during the day and behaving like a trashy whore at night - I love summer! I hope Dannii comes home to take advantage of the sun, promote the Australian release of "Touch Me Like That" and judge another season of Australia's Got Talent but I fear she may be too exhausted from all her $ucce$$ this year. Keep your fingers crossed! In the meantime, enjoy this amazing clip from 1995 when Dannii participated in the Childliners' Christmas charity single - "The Gift Of Christmas". Childliners was like a poor man's Band Aid with trashy celebrities like East 17, Deuce and Dannii! The song is pretty crass but it is apparently the 39th highest selling Christmas single in UK chart history - and people have the nerve to say that Dannii's never had a hit! This clip is taken from an appearance on Top Of The Tops and our girl's starring moment occurs about half way through. She only sings one line but I'm sure you'll agree that Dannii completely steals the show!

On a personal note, I'd like to wish everyone a very merry christmas and thank the kind people who contributed to the blog by leaving comments, sending e-mails and sharing their lovely Dannii goodies. I really appreciate it! Ok, that's enough from me - go and grab yourself a drink. Cheers!

Dannii & The Spanish Gays!

No one could have predicted the stunning success of "He's The Greatest Dancer" in Spain. Dannii's inspired Sister Sledge cover was a massive top ten hit and sold at least 15 copies without so much as a video clip. I originally suspected that Kylie fans were picking up the single by mistake but the mystery behind Dannii's amazing popularity with Spanish gays can finally be revealed. Dannii ruled the stage at the Gay Freedom festival in Torremolines (somewhere in Spain) and won herself tens of new Spanish fans! The performance is pure genius. Dannii sings a fabulous version of the Prince classic "Kiss" and heats up the room with her scintillating dance moves, proving once and for all that she is the greatest dancer! The gays in the crowd appear completely overwhelmed by Dannii's magnetic charisma and boundless sex appeal. They are only human!

STOP PRESS - Dannii's Brave Battle!

Millions of fans around the globe are in a state of shock today after Dannii shockingly revealed that she can no longer exercise due to the gargantuan size of her knockers. Brave Dannii opened her heart to S Magazine, admitting that she is unable to jog without fear of getting a black eye from one of her pendulous breasts. As a result, the Queen Of Clubs has taken up swimming and walking. I'm sure by sharing her pain, Dannii has given a voice to the suffering of busty women worldwide. What a woman! The Sun reports:

X FACTOR judge Dannii Minogue said she can’t work out properly – as her boobs are too BIG.

The busty pop star said jogging was a nono, because her surgically enhanced breasts would give her "a black eye". But the singer, 36, said: "I like to walk, I like to swim."

Dannii also told S Magazine her reputation as the more risque Minogue sister was wrong. The Aussie said: "Kylie’s just as naughty as me, it's just that I'm stupid so I get caught."

Read more about Dannii's brave battle here.

Dannii - Queen Of X Factor!

Dannii's first year as an X factor judge was a baptism of fire. Critics made snide remarks about her appointment and fellow judges questioned both Dannii's talent (fuck you, Louis!) and her credentials (likewise, Sharon!) but the Queen Of Clubs has well and truly had the last laugh. The X Factor winner was announced last night and the UK viewing public awarded the 1 million pound first prize to Leon Jackson - an 18 year old Scotsman mentored by Dannii. In a stunning reflection on Dannii's uncanny ability to recognise and nurture talent, her other charge, Rhydian, came in second place!

Leon crowned X factor winner

I'm not a huge fan of Leon's music but I'm glad he won over the scary albino. You can watch a short recap of the proceedings below. I love how Dannii is mentioned almost as much as the winner!



Dannii was not the only Minogue to feature prominently in the finale. Kylie performed a duet with Leon before belting out her latest single to close the show. The duet was cute but Kylie's rendition of "Wow" was a real showstopper. I can't remember seeing her look as happy and uninhibited for a very long time. The cutest part of the whole performance is watching Dannii sing along and get up and dance behind the judging panel. It's so sweet of Dannii to take pity on her older sister and give her so much free publicity! Watch the clip below and make sure to keep an eye out for Dannii's scene stealing antics.



It will be interesting to see if Dannii returns for next year's X Factor. I'm ecstatic that she's finally found so much $ucce$$ but I hope she doesn't completely forget her music career. I'm gagging for Dannii's next amazing #48 smash hit!

Dannii's Latest Chart $ucce$$!

"Touch Me Like That" is currently #1 on some random online dance music store in the US! Who needs a UK top 40 hit when you can top Perfectbeat.com's sales chart? This is almost as amazing as Dannii's recent UK #1 club hit (below). So much $ucce$$!

Dirty Old Sharon Disses Dannii - Again!

I'm starting to pity Sharon Osbourne. It must be hard for an unattractive woman of her advanced years to sit next to a stunning specimen like Dannii on national television and not feel insecure. The old girl's insane jealousy is understandable but her constant digs at Dannii are becoming very boring indeed. Sharon's latest hateful tirade took place during an interview with Graham Norton in which she claims that Dannii is only on TV for her good looks not her contribution to the music industry. PR Inside reports:

Sharon tells chat show host Graham Norton, Dannii "knows she's there because of her looks, not because of her contribution to the music industry." Osbourne also hints during the interview at a budding romance between the 36-year-old former soap star and Simon Cowell. She says, "She's younger. She's better-looking. Simon wants her and he doesn't want me... thank God!"

Dannii has scored 14 top 20 hits in the UK, worked in radio for several years and starred in the hit West End production of "Notre Dame de Paris". Can someone tell me what Sharon's contribution to the music industry is?

Dannii - Already Planning Next Single?

I'm not sure how credible the rumours are but it appears Holidannii is already planning her next single! While I'm ecstatic that Dannii has wiped the egg from her face and headed back into the studio after the disastrous chart performance of "Touch Me Like That", the news that Dannii is waiting for approval to use a sample sounds a little bit too familiar. I would prefer Dannii to try something new but I'm sure another slice of dance Dannii will be delicious in its own right. In other exciting news, it looks like "Club Disco" might finally be released on CD. Another fan release by generous and caring Dannii!

Touch Me Like That - The Aftermath

A terrifying glimpse into Dannii's future!

No one lives the lifestyle of $ucce$$ quite like Dannii! Despite being the universally worshipped Queen Of Clubs and household name in the UK due to her role on X Factor, Dannii's latest single bombs out at #48 this week, becoming the lowest charting single of her entire career. Even a craptastic stinker like "Loves On Every Corner" managed a #44 peak way back in 1992! That leaves the burning question of what went wrong and, more importantly, where to from here for our beloved icon?

So why did "Touch Me Like That" go down like a lead balloon with British buying public? Several reasons come to mind but the most obvious starting point is the song's quality. Obviously, if Dannii's dance anthem was complete rubbish, it would hardly be surprising if no one bought it. I loved "Touch Me Like That" from the first listen and I still think it's a killer track. In fact, the initial response to "Touch Me Like That" was overwhelmingly positive, receiving praise from both fans and critics alike. In my opinion, the main reasons for Dannii's lack of $ucce$$ are:

1. Releasing "Touch Me Like That" to radio and clubs three months prior to its physical release, resulting in rampant file-sharing by impatient "fans" (who then couldn't be bothered to legally download the song) and dwindling momentum.

2. Poor promotion. I'm sure AATW thought they could rely on Dannii's X Factor profile but the average music fan had no idea that Dannii even had a new single on the market. "Touch Me Like That" was hardly mentioned on X Factor, let alone performed on the show and Dannii did no other promotion apart from an interview on "Loose Women". Where was the obligatory show at GAY, the usual TV performances and interviews? I'm aware that Dannii couldn't promote the song on rival networks but there are always radio interviews and personal appearances.

TMLT's chart placing gives new meaning to Dannii's 1991 hit

3. Bad timing. The person who chose to release "Touch Me Like That" in the same week as Kylie's "X" album needs to be fired. Kylie fans have long turned to Dannii for a Minogue fix while Kylie is between albums, so the simultaneous release was most unfortunate. Even without evil Kylie plotting to steal Dannii's thunder, I would question releasing a club single in the lead up to Christmas when sales are traditionally at their strongest.

4. Marketing woes. Releasing one CD single instead of the usual two was a big mistake and I maintain that casual buyers were scared shitless by the hideous single cover. A couple of B-sides would have also been nice instead of the awful remixes.

Conclusion

Let's be honest. "Touch Me Like That" was a desperate attempt to cash in on Dannii's X Factor fame. And that's fine with me. Dannii would have been insane not to try to capitalise on her new high profile. Sadly, the entire project was a poorly managed and cynical rush job. The great shame is that one of Dannii's finest singles is relegated to the bargain bin of pop history.

Enough doom and gloom. What does the future now hold for Dannii - the pop star? "Touch Me Like That" is scheduled for release in Australia in January and I'm sure it can perform well if Dannii comes over to promote it. As far as the UK is concerned, I think Dannii should re-evaluate her relationship with AATW. Dannii will always be the Queen Of Clubs but I firmly believe she needs to embrace a more commercial pop sound to return to her glory days of chart $ucce$$. It will take more than one spectacular flop to hold this amazing diva down!

Not ready for the scrap heap yet!

Dannii Finally Does Some Promo!

Dannii has finally done some promo five days after her single was officially released. I guess it's better late than never! Dannii's appearance on "Loose Women" is fantastic. Not only does Dannii slip her #1 club hits into the conversation, she also denies holding hands with Simon Cowell, describes X Factor as World War 3 and even kindly promotes Kylie's new album. What a woman! I really hope "Touch Me Like That" can scrape into the top 40.

Dannii's Stunning Chart Climb!

"Touch Me Like That" rocketed up one whole place to #42 in yesterday's mid-weeks! If this amazing trend continues Dannii might just scrape into the top 40 after all. Now that's the lifestyle of $ucce$$!

Dannii's Flop Is Front Page News!

Oh dear! Dannii's lack of chart $ucce$$ with "Touch Me Like That" has become front page news in the UK. In a hateful spray, the Mirror labels Dannii's stunning anthem "an embarrassing flop" and describe her first day sales of 1,500 as "pitiful"! Well, fuck them. Hopefully Dannii will put on a brave face for Saturday's X Factor and ignore any snide remarks from the cunts sitting on either side of her. Dannii is an international icon with a successful 30 year career in show business. She has nothing left to prove! Read the full article here. Oh and I love how Dannii makes headlines even when she flops!

On the X Factor panel she's quick to tell pop hopefuls if their singing is hopeless. But judge Dannii Minogue - who berates wannabes for warbling out of tune - may not be so hasty to criticise now, if her new single's performance is anything to go by. We can reveal that her latest musical offering, Touch Me Like That, is an embarrassing flop which is unlikely to even break into the Top 40. Poor sales mean that the single is set to scrape in at a pitiful No.43, according to midweek charts. Oh dear...

Worse still for Kylie's kid sister, it has failed to make it on to the all important Radio 1 playlist. Sadly for Dannii, it seems few would touch Touch Me Like That with a bargepole. You'd think that with her high profile on X Factor the single would be flying off the shelves. Certainly Dannii's publicity people had high hopes that her appearances on the show would propel the single into the Top 10.

The desperate flunkeys even plug the programme in their breathy press release, which also describes the song with Jason Nevins as an "electro epic". Some epic. It has shifted barely more than 1,500 copies since it went on sale in the shops this week. It has even been available digitally seven days earlier, but still no one was buying.

Tragically for Dannii, the track is being trounced by reissues from such veterans as Shakin Stevens, Wizzard, Wham! and Phil Collins. No doubt Dannii's pop humiliation will bring a smile to the faces of fellow judges Sharon Osbourne and Louis Walsh. On the hit ITV1 show last Saturday Louis blasted Dannii - who is mentor to Rhydian Roberts and Leon Jackson - for saying that his finalist, Niki Evans, had sung out of tune. Dannii, 36, told Niki: "I watched the tape from last week and you were completely out of tune." Louis, who was spitting-mad, hit back live on air, saying: "Dannii, singing out of tune? Ho ho!" Ouch...

Sharon's not Dannii's biggest fan either. The pair had a to-do when the live finals began and there has been no love lost between them since. Neither she nor Louis will be in any mood to spare Dannii's feelings. Although Simon Cowell, who is her mentor, will be fighting her corner. A show source says: "Knowing Sharon and Louis they'll make it their mission to keep reminding her because it winds her up so much. "But Simon is very protective of Dannii and will no doubt be reassuring her that she's wonderful."

Cheer up Dannii Fans!

"Touch Me Like That" might be an unmitigated chart disaster but take comfort in the fact that Dannii is still a sizzling beauty - unlike her ancient sister. I always suspected Kylie would end up an old maid but this shit is ridiculous! Kylie's star turn as a 60 year old prostitute on Dr Who screens at 6:50pm on Christmas Day in the UK. I bet it rates less than X Factor!

TMLT - Officially A "Fan Release"

In further proof that the British have no taste, "Touch Me Like That" has debuted at #43 on the UK mid-weeks. How very depressing!

Louis Walsh = Bitter Old Cunt

Louis Walsh really is a small and petty man. Clearly threatened by Dannii's breathtaking sex appeal and judging expertise, the ancient one launched another shocking personal attack on his fellow X Factor judge by mocking Dannii's vocal ability. It's becoming increasingly obvious that Louis will take a cheap shot every time Dannii legitimately criticises one of his contestants. The first few bitchy remarks were amusing but they are getting as tired as Louis' sagging arsehole. Hopefully, Dannii will slap the nasty bitch with one of her plastic tits the next time he steps out of line! Read the full article here.

DANNII MINOGUE stormed out of hit British reality TV show The X Factor on Saturday after Irish music mogul LOUIS WALSH mocked her singing ability. The star left the set of the talent show and failed to return after a commercial break, forcing fellow judge Sharon Osbourne to fill her absence by sitting on Simon Cowell's lap. The row was sparked after Minogue criticised a contestant on the show for singing out of tune - to which Walsh responded, "Dannii, singing out of tune? Ho ho!" causing the 36 year old to walk off set. A source tells British newspaper The Sun, "Louis keeps joking about Dannii's singing talents and it's really getting to her."

Meanwhile, Kylie has hit back at the X Factor panel by boasting that Dannii is the only judge with any talent! Kylie points out that Dannii has been in the music industry since she was 7 years old and emphasises that her sister is the only judge with any experience as a performer. Well said! Check out the full article here. The X Factor drama is really brewing. Expect sparks to fly if Kylie performs on the show (as rumoured)!

Kylie Minogue has claimed that her sister is the only X Factor judge with talent. The singer is convinced that Dannii will triumph over Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh and Sharon Osbourne to guide her category to victory in the show.

She said: "[Dannii's] so overqualified for the job, really, because she's been performing since she was about seven and she's the only one on that panel... they all have their talents, but she's the only one there who knows what it's like to get up and perform, especially under pressure or [when] you're not feeling well or you're nervous."

World AIDS Day Ambassador

Regardless of the eventual chart position of "Touch Me Like That", Dannii will always be #1 with her army of gay fans. Many desperate divas rely on the pink dollar to fund their failing careers but very few of them ever give anything back to the gay community. The glaring exception is Dannii Minogue. As a long time supporter of Mardi Gras in Australia, Minogue Jr performed at the event in 1998 and recorded the 1999 theme song, "Everlasting Night". Since finding mega-stardom in the UK, Dannii has been an avid supporter of gay rights and has promoted World AIDS Day for many years. As a Terrence Higgins Trust ambassador, Dannii is not only the Queen Of Clubs but also the face of safe sex in the UK (above). Such is the importance of Dannii's role that she was invited to speak with Prime Minister Gordon Brown about her concerns (pictured below). I love to joke about Dannii's ability to do nothing in great style but I'd like to applaud her generous and genuine contribution to this most worthy campaign.

Dannii's World AIDS Day message:

"At the moment we have a problem with young people finding it easier to actually have sex, than talk about wearing a condom. Last year alone nearly 8000 new cases of HIV were diagnosed in the UK and there is still no cure. As Ambassador For Young People I'd like to see easier and quicker methods introduced for HIV and STD testing and for better sex education to be made part of the school curriculum. Stay safe and sexy by using a condom every time you have sex."

Touch Me Like That - Buy It Or Die!

Dannii's brilliant "Touch Me Like That" is finally released in the UK tomorrow and I fully expect everyone to rush out and buy a copy! Download sales have been underwhelming thus far but I'm convinced that everyone is saving their money for the stunning 12" picture disc (above). I refuse to believe that Dannii's lovely fans would rave about the song for the past three months without having the decency to shell out 79p on a legal download. If you have already done the right thing, may I suggest buying a copy of the CD single for a dear friend or family member? Nothing says "I love you" quite like Stonebridge Mix of "Touch Me Like That"! On a brighter note, Dannii's amazing anthem debuts at #48 on the Australian club chart this week, more than a month ahead of its scheduled release on the 20th January. There are no plans to release the picture disc in Australia but you can order it Chaos or import it from HMV UK.