Saturday, 10 November 2007

Copycat Kylie

Don't get me wrong. I love Kylie and I don't begrudge her having twice the success of Dannii with half the talent. Unlike Dannii, Kylie actually spends her time doing mundane things like promoting her career and recording music instead of having lesbian threesomes in Ibiza. If that dull approach to life has resulted in higher record sales, so be it. What I can't stand is Kylie's recent attempt to cash in on Dannii's "X Factor" success by copying her every move. Dannii has worked hard to step out of Kylie's shadow, releasing 4 albums and a DVD in the same week. Poor Dannii has even gone without a rejuvenating holiday for at least a fortnight! That kind of dedication deserves to be rewarded. It's not fair for Kylie to shamelessly abuse Dannii's good nature by using her stunning sister to promote her own career. Kylie, you are a thieving bitch and here is the evidence:

1. Kylie calling her new album "X" to cash in on Dannii's "X Factor" fame.



2. Forcing sweet natured Dannii to stand in front of this poster to promote Kylie's career.

3. Dragging poor, exhausted Dannii to every social event in London. Washed up Kylie has realised that she only gets her photo taken these days when Dannii is standing next to her!

4. Obviously aware of the stunning success of "He's The Greatest Dancer" in Spain, Kylie shamelessly rips off the single cover for her new promo photos.



5. Canny Kylie knows that Dannii is famous for her provocative photoshoots and has tried desperately to follow suit.



6. Jealous of Dannii's ability to promote her career with the occasional lesbian scandal, Kylie has hired a team of butch dykes to perform with her on "The Kylie Show".



Conclusion

Kylie needs to stop stealing Dannii's thunder with her new low brow image. Dannii is the sordid Minogue and that's the way we like it. Kylie should stick with her usual inoffensive (ie. boring) persona and leave the fabulousness for Dannii!

18 comments:

Peibols said...

Kylie, that jelous oldie...

Lucky we, Dannii has sense of humour and vodka, so she can survive to all this copy+paste from her sister.

Mike said...

I feel sorry for Kylie. She must feel so distressed now that Dannii is the people's princess and the most popular celebrity in the universe. But it's still no excuse for stealing Dannii's amazing promo techniques!

magical froggy said...

Mike, you have to stop this, I can't stop laughing...!

Simon. said...

Hilarious article. lol.
But I believe that one thing that has made Kylie more successful than Dannii is BUDGET and a good RECORD LABLE - If Dannii had the support of a decent record lable, she'd be way more famous, popular and $ucce$$ful.

Miss Heidi Von Binterschlappen said...

:pitchforkposse:

Mike said...

I'm glad you guys get the joke! Some Kylie fans haven't...

bubu said...

mike, have you received some threatening emails? are some kylie fans trying to kill you? you can always get away to ibiza or any spanish place. here dannii is bigger. bigger than life!

Peibols said...

Excuse me?
This was a joke?

I thought it was for real!!
Lucky me i'm a Dannii's fan, otherwise I'll be mad at you for saying that things about boring Kylie.

Mike said...

Bubu and Pablo, unfortunately I have offended some Kylie fans. Apparently, Kylie would never stoop so low as to imitate her trashy, unsuccessful sister who hasn't had a hit since 1991. I only hope poor, brave Kylie can forgive my sins against her!

BruDé said...

This article is pure brilliance. You rock !

BruDé said...

This article is pure brilliance. You rock !

ArchiesAlley said...

lol - some people have NO sense of humor!!!

Adem IAR said...

THIS IS GENIUS AND 100% TRUE.

;)

x

Mike said...

I'm glad you all appreciate my painstakingly researched and hard hitting post. Kylie has been exposed!

Michael said...

haha mike i fucking love it.

Speaking of Dannii, I thought I'd share with you a dream I had this morning.

My friend and I finally got to see Dannii live *snorts* and we weren't front row so we snuck up there. She was singing away and then she looked right at me and reached out and touched my hand, told me to get up on stage with her. Then after that song she came back out throwing things in the audience, and then saw me and threw one to me - it was a bottle called Exotic Massage and Lubrication lotion. Then my friend and I went to the merch desk and bought Team Dannii shirts which we plan to wear to the next Kylie concert then went back to the stage to listen to Dannii sing Kylie's Lose Control. To my amazement, everyone said OMG soooo much better than Kylie's version and 2 fucking Hearts. We then went back stage where she offered us a line of crack but all we had was a $20 note she said "fuck off I omnly use $100" then as she was snorting I woke up =| Strange huh ;D

Mike said...

If I had that dream I would have woken up covered in cum!

Anonymous said...

I think I did.

LOLZ.

Your blog is my home page ^^

Anonymous said...

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ill show u my tits