Thursday, 17 April 2008

Tommie's Conspiracy Corner

We here at Dannii's Dirty Box firmly believe that Dannii has been robbed of several platinum awards. A recently conducted poll shows that 2 out of 3 people would rather buy a Dannii Minogue album than get stabbed, yet our busty beauty gets no sales! We here at Dannii's Box suspect foul play! But who would want to sabbotage for our long suffering heroine?

Kylie did it.
Obviously, the prime suspect is Dannii's much older sister. From writing the sub-par "Love Traffic", a tribute to Dannii's glorious vagina, to getting cancer, this old bag can't stop sabotaging her more talented sister! We at the Box love Dannii's ugly sister, but isn't it time she stopped being so damn jealous of her sister's stunning $ucce$$?

Beyoncé did it.
In the early 90s Beyoncé formed the group Destiny's Child. In 1993 Dannii released her stunning mega-flop "Get Into You". Coincidence? We think not! Beyoncé was obviously threathened when she heard Dannii's edgy urban sound on 1991's "Love & Kisses" album and decided to weavelash all copies out of rotation! We have no problem with her murdering the careers of Kelly Rowland and Amerie but she needs to back the fuck off Dannii's!

The airlines did it.
Dannii's love for holidays is known worldwide, so no wonder that it's in the airlines best interest not to lose their best customer. Proof? Well, have you ever been offered to buy a Dannii album while flying? We haven't! They're all obviously haters that needs to get a life!

Terry Ronald did it.
Terry (or "Tezza", as he likes to be called) has been invovled in some of the best Dannii productions, but we here at the Box suspect that "Tezza" has been up to no good! Why? Isn't it clear that if Dannii hit the big-time she would hire better and more famous producers? We're on to you Tezza!

The D-Files are far from closed, but these are the most obvious suspects! I hope the listed Dannii haters get a life after this shocking revelation and allow Dannii to reach a higher peak than #48 next time she decides to get off her ass to put a vocal on another amazing club instrumental!


Mike said...

LOL!!! I hope you make this a recurring feature Tommie!

Personally, I think you've missed the biggest suspect. His name begins and end with the letter "N"!

Dannii's Delights! said...

Beyaya is too busy killing others' careers (RIP Amerie <3) to bother Dannii -_-

That Kelly Minowes though...dirty bitch is just jealous!

Jay said...

Fucking hilarious!

And I see you stole one of your theories from one of the most retarded of Droids!

Surprised one of the most obvious suspects has yet to be mentioned...

BruDé said...

I guess you did not forgot thenathensays ! It must take a whole post just for him !!

thisblogshit said...

how dar u joke about Kylie cancer i hope u die aids!1!

ChrisP said...

The truth is out there! ;)