Wednesday, 23 April 2008

wot makz a dani ahyatahaaa

It's not easy being a Dannii fan - the endless delays, the string of FLOPS and the fact that going into your local HMV to ask for a copy of her latest single gets you at best a blank look from the bloke behind the counter - though a few have been known to burst into fits of laughter. From those who actually know that the busty beauty has a career outside of being a Sexy Celebrity Sibling, the reaction is pretty much the same - even those who rate Nikki French as a young edgy multiplatinum diva (surely "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" must have sold that much alone given the staggering number of reissues...) mock Dannii fandom!

In the interest of finding out why, I sacrificed my self respect to infiltrate the most heinous of Cults, the Official Dannii Minogue Forum. From mind numbing conversations with the "elite" of Dannii Fandom, The DanDroids (or Droids) and careful spying on the Collective I can exclusively reveal that the world is full of Dannii Haters! The reasons for this can only be fully understood by the most lobotomised of Droids and their self-appointed Queen, the mighty nafensays. Unfortunately, the process has left me a confurmd hayataa and the Droid Police are currently seeking to recover items of importance that I stole for study. I only hope that they do not manage to track this transmission so i may study the items and report on what is so special about this SPayne gwetizt dawnswah singuwl and gR8 pR0mo youze guyz vynwl... I have hijacked Droid "7of9" to send my findings...

dani in da colektiv

*transmission++++ 7of9-2-dhanizduwtybowk++++pozt*

da dani ahtahatz r evrywer

dey iz jelooz ov da zucez ov dani

dey iz jelooz ov da booty dat iz natuwak

sho u da wai 2 go woz a hit coz diz iz zhut woz top wun huwndwed for wekz an chawted hyah dan madoodoo sung i wont u

dani woz famooz fuwst1111

kile da zizta of dani iz a jeloz hayah coz dani woz famoz fuwst

kile sabotagd daniz awbumz

dani iz numbar wun

nafen confurmd1111111111

da hayataz zay dani iz nut da numbar wun coz dey iz jeloz an coz kile iz da fwop

put da newdul on it woz hiya dan cum into mi wurld1111111


if naeefen not cumfumrm den iz not tro

grate pR0mo y0UzE guyz1111 kep votink1111

if u sayz dani iz da fwop den u iz da hayata

if u iz not agwe wit nafen den u iz da hayatah

if u iz lykje ol awound da wurld den u iz da hayaha

if u iz sharun ozborn den u iz da fat ugwy owld jeloz hayata

if u iz not votink 4 dani den u iz da hayata

if u iz byink dani singuwlz or awbumbz b4 da bezt ov da fowum den u iz da hayata even do da fowum iz dunlod iwegawy

if u iz nut sendink da empefweza an da skanz 2 da fowum den u iz da hataha

if u iz not dayink dat luv fite iz a bewst sung 4eva den u iz a hayata1111

nafen wil cunfurm dat u iz da hayata

oh noe i iz ben spotid...

+++transmission ednd+++++


Mike said...

Jay, thanks for this terrifying insight into the dark and gloomy void that is the Dannii Board. I hope you escaped with your sanity and dignity intact!

Justin said...

Oh my...

Magical Froggy said...

The scary thing is I can read all that easily, I must have spent far too much time in the DanniiBoard in my days as Neptune... }:)

Trashtastic Aussie said...

that took me forever to read :(