Stop Press - Dannii Not A Flop!!

In a stunning development, I have to report that Dannii did NOT a flop! After the shocking absence of "Touch Me Like That" from this week's ARIA singles chart, I brazenly christened Dannii the new Queen of flops. Fans rumbled that the single might not have been chart eligible but I initially dismissed it as Dannii droid paranoia. I was wrong and they were right. I questioned ARIA and received an e-mail from them this morning stating that "Touch Me Like That" was ineligible to chart as a single due to the tracklisting. The representative also stated that sales were "healthy"! I have no idea what that means but I assume "Touch Me Like That" would have at least scraped into the top 100. $ucce$$.

I should have had more faith in Holidannii's massive popularity but the question remains why the single included so many remixes. It's ridiculous that Dannii gets punished for being generous to fans but there's still no explanation why 13 tracks were included in the first place. Central Station cater to DJs and often include 10 or more remixes - they must have known from past experience that the single would be ineligible to chart. The charts are of little relevance to a niche club release but Dannii is a commercial artist who needs to appear on radio and tv chart countdowns. What is going on? File this under: It could only happen to Dannii!

Meanwhile, it seems I wasn't the only one questioning ARIA about Dannii's chart performance. The fat bitches at Sydney Confidential found the time to whip up a nasty little article praising the song but questioning Dannii's involvement. As much as I love Jason Nevins, "Touch Me Like That" would be nothing without Dannii's heavenly vocals and S&M tranny get up! Check out the article below.

Dannii Calls In From South Africa

Dannii has taken the unprecedented step of interrupting her holiday to promote "Touch Me Like That" - via telephone. The queen of clubs/flops has been racking up some huge phone bills dialling various Australian radio stations over the past couple of days. Yesterday's appearance on the Hamish & Andy show was particularly enlightening. Among other juicy tidbits, Dannii revealed that she recently sat in the front row of a Spice Girls concert and then went backstage to stalk "Golden Balls" (ie. David Beckham). Apparently Dannii was interested in checking out his bulge after seeing the photo below. Dirty Dannii!!

The desperate diva also confirmed that she cyber-stalked Robin Thicke (below) but gave up when she realised he was married. I can see the appeal! Other juicy tidbits include a confirmation that Dannii is returning for series 2 of "Australia's Got Talent" and the usual spiel about being "club royalty" and the hazards of her lofty gay icon status.

There really is a recurring theme about Dannii being high and dry. And the real reason can finally be revealed - Dannii's chandeliers! In possibly the most ridiculous (yet unbearably fabulous) article I have ever read, Dannii blames her lack of bedroom action on her light fixtures:

Dannii Minogue’s social life has been ruined by her new chandeliers. The X Factor judge — who recently confessed she is single and desperate to find a boyfriend — has been unable to invite anyone back to her place for weeks as the floor of her London home is covered in sparkling glass lamps.

In a sign that Armageddon is nigh, that glorious piece of journalism was considered newsworthy enough to feature on The Times Of India. Last but not least is the startlingly news that "Touch Me Like That" has climbed to #96 on the Australian iTunes album chart! Finally some $ucce$$!

Dannii - Queen Of Flops

Dannii's string of 8 consecutive Australian top 40 hits comes to a screeching halt with "Touch Me Like That". Minogue Jr's massive UK flop has performed even worse in Australia with no sign of the single in the physical top 50 or the top 20 for Australian artists. In all likelihood, "Touch Me Like That" missed the top 100 altogether. The saddest thing about the situation is the fact that it was entirely foreseeable. What chance did the song have with zero airplay and no promotion? I notice that Dannii has a stack of radio interviews scheduled for this week but, unfortunately, I think it's too little too late.

Single Of The Week!

$ucce$$! "Touch Me Like That" is the Daily Telegraph's well deserved single of the week. The critics (well, one critic) love it but the song is still nowhere to be seen on the iTunes chart. Fingers crossed that the physical single is flying out of stores or this will be Dannii's biggest "fan release" yet!

Dannii Lands In South Africa

Here's a snap of our holy priestess arriving in South Africa on the 17th of January. I'm glad Holidannii is staying true to form by squeezing in yet another trip. It's not like she has a new single to promote or anything. Oh wait.

Amazing Promo!

I almost spat out my toast when I opened today's Sunday Telegraph and saw Dannii on the back cover! It's great to finally see some promotion for "Touch Me Like That" even if the accompanying article is yet another boring blurb about Dannii living in Kylie's shadow. However, I do love the fact that the journalist talks about Dannii's rapidly expanding UK fanbase but conveniently chooses to overlook the floptastic chart placing of her fabulous anthem. The article also confirms that Dannii will return for the second season of Australia's Got Talent. I just wish they had delayed the single until then - a stunning performance on Sunrise or Dancing With The Stars would have virtually assured another #37 smash hit.

"Touch Me Like That" is available to buy now. I had to look around to find a copy but eventually located one in JB Hi-Fi. The single has also finally appeared on iTunes. Get downloading, bitches!

TMLT Aus Exclusive!

I take back all the nasty things I said about the Australian release of "Touch Me Like That". The official tracklisting has finally been revealed and the Australian single will contain 7 additional remixes - bringing the total to a whopping 13! A different cover and a new B-side would have been nice but this is fantastic. There are new mixes by Space Cowboy and Fugitives and I can't wait to hear the "Soul Seekerz Feel Me Dirty Dub"! The full tracklisting is below:

1. Touch Me Like That (Radio Edit)
2. Touch Me Like That (Space Cowboy Radio Edit)
3. Touch Me Like That (Stonebridge Club Mix)
4. Touch Me Like That (Jason Nevins Remix)
5. Touch Me Like That (Soul Seekerz Club Mix)
6. Touch Me Like That (Soul Seekerz Feel Me Dirty Dub)
7. Touch Me Like That (Jack Rokka Remix)
8. Touch Me Like That (Jack Rokka Dub)
9. Touch Me Like That (Lmc Remix)
10. Touch Me Like That (Fugitives Touched Up Mix)
11. Touch Me Like That (Extended Mix)
12. Touch Me Like That (Space Cowboy Dub)
13. Touch Me Like That (Stonebridge Dub)

You can listen to clips of all the mixes and order the CD single from Chaos. Hopefully this induces a few more fans to part with their cash. I already know several international fans who have now decided to order it. Number 87 here we come!

My "Touch Me Like That" Rant!

Dannii's stunning UK mega-flop "Touch Me Like That" is released in Australia on Saturday. I hope the song can maintain Dannii's amazing run of top 40 hits but I fear the worst given the complete lack of promotion and radio airplay. I understand that it's hard to promote "Touch Me Like That" with Dannii missing in action but there's no excuse for the single still not being on iTunes (you can download it from a Wild compilation) or the lacklustre tracklist. Dannii has a strong fanbase but the majority of us have already bought the UK single (or illegally downloaded it), so there is little motivation to buy the Australian version when it's completely identical. Is it really so hard to whip up a different cover and stick on one of the several hundred unreleased tracks Dannii has lying around as a B-side? I'll be buying "Touch Me Like That" regardless. I hope the rest of her fans are as charitable.

By the way - the photo shoot above is FABULOUS!!!!

Dannii > Madonna

It's blindingly obvious that Dannii is a better pop star than Madonna. Dannii has a better voice, more charisma and endless sex appeal. However, there remains a deluded minority who cling to the pitiful idea that dirty, old Madge is still the queen of pop. Here are three pieces of irrefutable evidence that prove once and for all that Madonna is the poor man's Dannii.

Exhibit A



Even at the tender age of 13, Dannii's stunning stagecraft blew Madonna out of the water. This magnetic performance of "Holiday" reflects a burning talent that Madonna can only dream of. Pay particular attention to the awesome choreography and Dannii's amazing pink gloves.

Exhibit B



By the ripe old age of 16, Dannii had already surpassed Madonna as both a dancer and a vocalist. Dannii's ability to move her head at all with that crazy perm defies belief. Be stunned and amazed as Dannii sings "True Blue" in a fabulous array of 80s designs - each with shoulder pads bigger than the other. Note the breathtaking choreography during the final sequence with the boys dressed in white. Madonna wishes she could display such raw and smoldering sexuality!

Exhibit C



I'm sure everyone is more than convinced by now but if you need further proof of Dannii's clear superiority, watch this riveting rendition of "Open Your Heart". Dannii takes yet another Madonna hit to an entirely new level with her dramatic performance. This spectacularly staged number finds Dannii wandering around what appears to be a border crossing dotted with plastic trees and police sirens. Prepare yourself for the stunning reveal, when Dannii whips off her jacket and displays some of the finest moves in the history of dance.

Q.E.D.

Dannii's Pole Dancing Lesson!

I came across this clip of Dannii pole dancing on flopPOP and was instantly smitten. This short piece of footage sums up so much of what I love about the most $ucce$$ful Minogue (in clubland anyway!) - she is so unaffected for a celebrity and clearly doesn't take herself or the world too seriously. Even Dannii's speaking voice is unusual for an Australian star. Everyone from Kylie to Nicole Kidman sports a bizarre half-English or American accent, while Dannii still sounds like a rough bitch from the suburbs of Melbourne. Bless! The segment was recorded for Dannii's massive worldwide hit "Put The Needle On It" and naturally our holy icon decided to promote the single by learning to pole dance under the instruction of a buxom blond stripper. No comment!

Dannii Update 2008

It seems appropriate to open Dannii's Dirty Box for the first time in 2008 with a picture of our goddess doing what she does best - looking sexy by a swimming pool! There isn't a lot to report about Dannii at the moment but there are at least three interesting developments.

1. AskMen.com reveal that Dannii is horny and stalks men on the internet out of desperation! My favourite quote is: "I do really need a man and I mean a real man. Being a gay icon, you have the best times at the best parties, but you just know that all the good-looking men are gay!" Read the complete article here. Dannii, I feel your pain!

2. In a recent interview with an Australian gay magazine, Kylie has indicated that she wants to perform at this year's Mardi Gras - with Dannii! Once again, the older Minogue is using Dannii's stardom to draw a crowd but it would be great to see the sisters at Mardi Gras again. Kylie has even requested that readers vote for the song they want to hear her perform, the song they want Dannii to perform and the song they should sing together. "It's Raining Men" is currently winning the poll! Vote for your preferred song here. Personally, I think Kylie should serenade Dannii with an impassioned rendition of "Wind Beneath My Wings" - there wouldn't be a dry eye in the house!

3. An English publication has reviewed "Unleashed" and given it 3/10! The stone deaf bitch who wrote the article crosses the line when she says: "Unfortunately, Dannii will never be in the same league as her sister. This album can safely be stacked away on an out-of reach shelf collecting dust, or worse still would probably serve best as door stop. Dannii's vocals are unbarable. This little lady should stick to modelling as she demonstrates that she simply cannot sing in almost every track on this album." That nasty troll wouldn't know good music if it bit her on the cunt! I also think she should learn how to spell before polluting cyberspace with her ill informed opinions. You can read the entire shocking review here.

I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas and I wish you all a fabulous 2008!

Dannii - Sci Fi Queen?

Sometimes I wonder if English newspapers intentionally take the piss. The Sun has dished up an amusing article suggesting that Dannii is going to follow in Kylie's footsteps by appearing on a popular science fiction television show ("Torchwood"). Doesn't this "journalist" know that Kylie follows in Dannii's footsteps, not the other way around!?! Dannii was famous first, Dannii worked with Cathy Dennis first and Dannii discovered Botox first! However, my favourite part is when the journalist claims that her "Aussie spies" tell her that Dannii is working on a cover of "Xanadu". Can someone please tell this woman that the song was released over a month ago?! Read this Pulitzer prize worthy piece of journalism here.

KYLIE got it on with Dr Who last night, now sis Dannii Minogue is tipped to play a part in the sci-fi spin-off series Torchwood.

Singer and X Factor judge Dannii, 36, is keen to give it a go and the show’s star John Barrowman (Captain Jack) said: “I’d love it if Dannii appeared in Torchwood. She has an edge and I know she’s a fan of the show.”

Millions were last night glued to their screens to watch pop princess Kylie star in the Dr Who Christmas special. Kylie, 39, played plucky waitress Astrid, and shared a snog with the Doctor (David Tennant) as they battled disaster on the Titanic.

But Kylie came to an unfortunate end after saving the Doctor’s life – just after he had asked her to become his new assistant. Dannii, who mentored winner Leon in the ITV1 hit, will return to The X Factor next year. A show source said: “Dannii’s riding high after Leon won.” Danni’s in Melbourne with Kylie after they hired a private jet to fly home for Christmas.

Our Aussie spies also tell me Dannii has recorded a cover of Olivia Newton-John’s hit Xanadu.

The Gift Of Christmas

I'm sorry for being so quiet this week but I've been taking inspiration from Dannii, working on my (non-existent) tan during the day and behaving like a trashy whore at night - I love summer! I hope Dannii comes home to take advantage of the sun, promote the Australian release of "Touch Me Like That" and judge another season of Australia's Got Talent but I fear she may be too exhausted from all her $ucce$$ this year. Keep your fingers crossed! In the meantime, enjoy this amazing clip from 1995 when Dannii participated in the Childliners' Christmas charity single - "The Gift Of Christmas". Childliners was like a poor man's Band Aid with trashy celebrities like East 17, Deuce and Dannii! The song is pretty crass but it is apparently the 39th highest selling Christmas single in UK chart history - and people have the nerve to say that Dannii's never had a hit! This clip is taken from an appearance on Top Of The Tops and our girl's starring moment occurs about half way through. She only sings one line but I'm sure you'll agree that Dannii completely steals the show!

On a personal note, I'd like to wish everyone a very merry christmas and thank the kind people who contributed to the blog by leaving comments, sending e-mails and sharing their lovely Dannii goodies. I really appreciate it! Ok, that's enough from me - go and grab yourself a drink. Cheers!

Dannii & The Spanish Gays!

No one could have predicted the stunning success of "He's The Greatest Dancer" in Spain. Dannii's inspired Sister Sledge cover was a massive top ten hit and sold at least 15 copies without so much as a video clip. I originally suspected that Kylie fans were picking up the single by mistake but the mystery behind Dannii's amazing popularity with Spanish gays can finally be revealed. Dannii ruled the stage at the Gay Freedom festival in Torremolines (somewhere in Spain) and won herself tens of new Spanish fans! The performance is pure genius. Dannii sings a fabulous version of the Prince classic "Kiss" and heats up the room with her scintillating dance moves, proving once and for all that she is the greatest dancer! The gays in the crowd appear completely overwhelmed by Dannii's magnetic charisma and boundless sex appeal. They are only human!

STOP PRESS - Dannii's Brave Battle!

Millions of fans around the globe are in a state of shock today after Dannii shockingly revealed that she can no longer exercise due to the gargantuan size of her knockers. Brave Dannii opened her heart to S Magazine, admitting that she is unable to jog without fear of getting a black eye from one of her pendulous breasts. As a result, the Queen Of Clubs has taken up swimming and walking. I'm sure by sharing her pain, Dannii has given a voice to the suffering of busty women worldwide. What a woman! The Sun reports:

X FACTOR judge Dannii Minogue said she can’t work out properly – as her boobs are too BIG.

The busty pop star said jogging was a nono, because her surgically enhanced breasts would give her "a black eye". But the singer, 36, said: "I like to walk, I like to swim."

Dannii also told S Magazine her reputation as the more risque Minogue sister was wrong. The Aussie said: "Kylie’s just as naughty as me, it's just that I'm stupid so I get caught."

Read more about Dannii's brave battle here.

Dannii - Queen Of X Factor!

Dannii's first year as an X factor judge was a baptism of fire. Critics made snide remarks about her appointment and fellow judges questioned both Dannii's talent (fuck you, Louis!) and her credentials (likewise, Sharon!) but the Queen Of Clubs has well and truly had the last laugh. The X Factor winner was announced last night and the UK viewing public awarded the 1 million pound first prize to Leon Jackson - an 18 year old Scotsman mentored by Dannii. In a stunning reflection on Dannii's uncanny ability to recognise and nurture talent, her other charge, Rhydian, came in second place!

Leon crowned X factor winner

I'm not a huge fan of Leon's music but I'm glad he won over the scary albino. You can watch a short recap of the proceedings below. I love how Dannii is mentioned almost as much as the winner!



Dannii was not the only Minogue to feature prominently in the finale. Kylie performed a duet with Leon before belting out her latest single to close the show. The duet was cute but Kylie's rendition of "Wow" was a real showstopper. I can't remember seeing her look as happy and uninhibited for a very long time. The cutest part of the whole performance is watching Dannii sing along and get up and dance behind the judging panel. It's so sweet of Dannii to take pity on her older sister and give her so much free publicity! Watch the clip below and make sure to keep an eye out for Dannii's scene stealing antics.



It will be interesting to see if Dannii returns for next year's X Factor. I'm ecstatic that she's finally found so much $ucce$$ but I hope she doesn't completely forget her music career. I'm gagging for Dannii's next amazing #48 smash hit!

Dannii's Latest Chart $ucce$$!

"Touch Me Like That" is currently #1 on some random online dance music store in the US! Who needs a UK top 40 hit when you can top Perfectbeat.com's sales chart? This is almost as amazing as Dannii's recent UK #1 club hit (below). So much $ucce$$!

Dirty Old Sharon Disses Dannii - Again!

I'm starting to pity Sharon Osbourne. It must be hard for an unattractive woman of her advanced years to sit next to a stunning specimen like Dannii on national television and not feel insecure. The old girl's insane jealousy is understandable but her constant digs at Dannii are becoming very boring indeed. Sharon's latest hateful tirade took place during an interview with Graham Norton in which she claims that Dannii is only on TV for her good looks not her contribution to the music industry. PR Inside reports:

Sharon tells chat show host Graham Norton, Dannii "knows she's there because of her looks, not because of her contribution to the music industry." Osbourne also hints during the interview at a budding romance between the 36-year-old former soap star and Simon Cowell. She says, "She's younger. She's better-looking. Simon wants her and he doesn't want me... thank God!"

Dannii has scored 14 top 20 hits in the UK, worked in radio for several years and starred in the hit West End production of "Notre Dame de Paris". Can someone tell me what Sharon's contribution to the music industry is?

Dannii - Already Planning Next Single?

I'm not sure how credible the rumours are but it appears Holidannii is already planning her next single! While I'm ecstatic that Dannii has wiped the egg from her face and headed back into the studio after the disastrous chart performance of "Touch Me Like That", the news that Dannii is waiting for approval to use a sample sounds a little bit too familiar. I would prefer Dannii to try something new but I'm sure another slice of dance Dannii will be delicious in its own right. In other exciting news, it looks like "Club Disco" might finally be released on CD. Another fan release by generous and caring Dannii!

Touch Me Like That - The Aftermath

A terrifying glimpse into Dannii's future!

No one lives the lifestyle of $ucce$$ quite like Dannii! Despite being the universally worshipped Queen Of Clubs and household name in the UK due to her role on X Factor, Dannii's latest single bombs out at #48 this week, becoming the lowest charting single of her entire career. Even a craptastic stinker like "Loves On Every Corner" managed a #44 peak way back in 1992! That leaves the burning question of what went wrong and, more importantly, where to from here for our beloved icon?

So why did "Touch Me Like That" go down like a lead balloon with British buying public? Several reasons come to mind but the most obvious starting point is the song's quality. Obviously, if Dannii's dance anthem was complete rubbish, it would hardly be surprising if no one bought it. I loved "Touch Me Like That" from the first listen and I still think it's a killer track. In fact, the initial response to "Touch Me Like That" was overwhelmingly positive, receiving praise from both fans and critics alike. In my opinion, the main reasons for Dannii's lack of $ucce$$ are:

1. Releasing "Touch Me Like That" to radio and clubs three months prior to its physical release, resulting in rampant file-sharing by impatient "fans" (who then couldn't be bothered to legally download the song) and dwindling momentum.

2. Poor promotion. I'm sure AATW thought they could rely on Dannii's X Factor profile but the average music fan had no idea that Dannii even had a new single on the market. "Touch Me Like That" was hardly mentioned on X Factor, let alone performed on the show and Dannii did no other promotion apart from an interview on "Loose Women". Where was the obligatory show at GAY, the usual TV performances and interviews? I'm aware that Dannii couldn't promote the song on rival networks but there are always radio interviews and personal appearances.

TMLT's chart placing gives new meaning to Dannii's 1991 hit

3. Bad timing. The person who chose to release "Touch Me Like That" in the same week as Kylie's "X" album needs to be fired. Kylie fans have long turned to Dannii for a Minogue fix while Kylie is between albums, so the simultaneous release was most unfortunate. Even without evil Kylie plotting to steal Dannii's thunder, I would question releasing a club single in the lead up to Christmas when sales are traditionally at their strongest.

4. Marketing woes. Releasing one CD single instead of the usual two was a big mistake and I maintain that casual buyers were scared shitless by the hideous single cover. A couple of B-sides would have also been nice instead of the awful remixes.

Conclusion

Let's be honest. "Touch Me Like That" was a desperate attempt to cash in on Dannii's X Factor fame. And that's fine with me. Dannii would have been insane not to try to capitalise on her new high profile. Sadly, the entire project was a poorly managed and cynical rush job. The great shame is that one of Dannii's finest singles is relegated to the bargain bin of pop history.

Enough doom and gloom. What does the future now hold for Dannii - the pop star? "Touch Me Like That" is scheduled for release in Australia in January and I'm sure it can perform well if Dannii comes over to promote it. As far as the UK is concerned, I think Dannii should re-evaluate her relationship with AATW. Dannii will always be the Queen Of Clubs but I firmly believe she needs to embrace a more commercial pop sound to return to her glory days of chart $ucce$$. It will take more than one spectacular flop to hold this amazing diva down!

Not ready for the scrap heap yet!

Dannii Finally Does Some Promo!

Dannii has finally done some promo five days after her single was officially released. I guess it's better late than never! Dannii's appearance on "Loose Women" is fantastic. Not only does Dannii slip her #1 club hits into the conversation, she also denies holding hands with Simon Cowell, describes X Factor as World War 3 and even kindly promotes Kylie's new album. What a woman! I really hope "Touch Me Like That" can scrape into the top 40.

Dannii's Stunning Chart Climb!

"Touch Me Like That" rocketed up one whole place to #42 in yesterday's mid-weeks! If this amazing trend continues Dannii might just scrape into the top 40 after all. Now that's the lifestyle of $ucce$$!

Dannii's Flop Is Front Page News!

Oh dear! Dannii's lack of chart $ucce$$ with "Touch Me Like That" has become front page news in the UK. In a hateful spray, the Mirror labels Dannii's stunning anthem "an embarrassing flop" and describe her first day sales of 1,500 as "pitiful"! Well, fuck them. Hopefully Dannii will put on a brave face for Saturday's X Factor and ignore any snide remarks from the cunts sitting on either side of her. Dannii is an international icon with a successful 30 year career in show business. She has nothing left to prove! Read the full article here. Oh and I love how Dannii makes headlines even when she flops!

On the X Factor panel she's quick to tell pop hopefuls if their singing is hopeless. But judge Dannii Minogue - who berates wannabes for warbling out of tune - may not be so hasty to criticise now, if her new single's performance is anything to go by. We can reveal that her latest musical offering, Touch Me Like That, is an embarrassing flop which is unlikely to even break into the Top 40. Poor sales mean that the single is set to scrape in at a pitiful No.43, according to midweek charts. Oh dear...

Worse still for Kylie's kid sister, it has failed to make it on to the all important Radio 1 playlist. Sadly for Dannii, it seems few would touch Touch Me Like That with a bargepole. You'd think that with her high profile on X Factor the single would be flying off the shelves. Certainly Dannii's publicity people had high hopes that her appearances on the show would propel the single into the Top 10.

The desperate flunkeys even plug the programme in their breathy press release, which also describes the song with Jason Nevins as an "electro epic". Some epic. It has shifted barely more than 1,500 copies since it went on sale in the shops this week. It has even been available digitally seven days earlier, but still no one was buying.

Tragically for Dannii, the track is being trounced by reissues from such veterans as Shakin Stevens, Wizzard, Wham! and Phil Collins. No doubt Dannii's pop humiliation will bring a smile to the faces of fellow judges Sharon Osbourne and Louis Walsh. On the hit ITV1 show last Saturday Louis blasted Dannii - who is mentor to Rhydian Roberts and Leon Jackson - for saying that his finalist, Niki Evans, had sung out of tune. Dannii, 36, told Niki: "I watched the tape from last week and you were completely out of tune." Louis, who was spitting-mad, hit back live on air, saying: "Dannii, singing out of tune? Ho ho!" Ouch...

Sharon's not Dannii's biggest fan either. The pair had a to-do when the live finals began and there has been no love lost between them since. Neither she nor Louis will be in any mood to spare Dannii's feelings. Although Simon Cowell, who is her mentor, will be fighting her corner. A show source says: "Knowing Sharon and Louis they'll make it their mission to keep reminding her because it winds her up so much. "But Simon is very protective of Dannii and will no doubt be reassuring her that she's wonderful."

Cheer up Dannii Fans!

"Touch Me Like That" might be an unmitigated chart disaster but take comfort in the fact that Dannii is still a sizzling beauty - unlike her ancient sister. I always suspected Kylie would end up an old maid but this shit is ridiculous! Kylie's star turn as a 60 year old prostitute on Dr Who screens at 6:50pm on Christmas Day in the UK. I bet it rates less than X Factor!

TMLT - Officially A "Fan Release"

In further proof that the British have no taste, "Touch Me Like That" has debuted at #43 on the UK mid-weeks. How very depressing!

Louis Walsh = Bitter Old Cunt

Louis Walsh really is a small and petty man. Clearly threatened by Dannii's breathtaking sex appeal and judging expertise, the ancient one launched another shocking personal attack on his fellow X Factor judge by mocking Dannii's vocal ability. It's becoming increasingly obvious that Louis will take a cheap shot every time Dannii legitimately criticises one of his contestants. The first few bitchy remarks were amusing but they are getting as tired as Louis' sagging arsehole. Hopefully, Dannii will slap the nasty bitch with one of her plastic tits the next time he steps out of line! Read the full article here.

DANNII MINOGUE stormed out of hit British reality TV show The X Factor on Saturday after Irish music mogul LOUIS WALSH mocked her singing ability. The star left the set of the talent show and failed to return after a commercial break, forcing fellow judge Sharon Osbourne to fill her absence by sitting on Simon Cowell's lap. The row was sparked after Minogue criticised a contestant on the show for singing out of tune - to which Walsh responded, "Dannii, singing out of tune? Ho ho!" causing the 36 year old to walk off set. A source tells British newspaper The Sun, "Louis keeps joking about Dannii's singing talents and it's really getting to her."

Meanwhile, Kylie has hit back at the X Factor panel by boasting that Dannii is the only judge with any talent! Kylie points out that Dannii has been in the music industry since she was 7 years old and emphasises that her sister is the only judge with any experience as a performer. Well said! Check out the full article here. The X Factor drama is really brewing. Expect sparks to fly if Kylie performs on the show (as rumoured)!

Kylie Minogue has claimed that her sister is the only X Factor judge with talent. The singer is convinced that Dannii will triumph over Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh and Sharon Osbourne to guide her category to victory in the show.

She said: "[Dannii's] so overqualified for the job, really, because she's been performing since she was about seven and she's the only one on that panel... they all have their talents, but she's the only one there who knows what it's like to get up and perform, especially under pressure or [when] you're not feeling well or you're nervous."

World AIDS Day Ambassador

Regardless of the eventual chart position of "Touch Me Like That", Dannii will always be #1 with her army of gay fans. Many desperate divas rely on the pink dollar to fund their failing careers but very few of them ever give anything back to the gay community. The glaring exception is Dannii Minogue. As a long time supporter of Mardi Gras in Australia, Minogue Jr performed at the event in 1998 and recorded the 1999 theme song, "Everlasting Night". Since finding mega-stardom in the UK, Dannii has been an avid supporter of gay rights and has promoted World AIDS Day for many years. As a Terrence Higgins Trust ambassador, Dannii is not only the Queen Of Clubs but also the face of safe sex in the UK (above). Such is the importance of Dannii's role that she was invited to speak with Prime Minister Gordon Brown about her concerns (pictured below). I love to joke about Dannii's ability to do nothing in great style but I'd like to applaud her generous and genuine contribution to this most worthy campaign.

Dannii's World AIDS Day message:

"At the moment we have a problem with young people finding it easier to actually have sex, than talk about wearing a condom. Last year alone nearly 8000 new cases of HIV were diagnosed in the UK and there is still no cure. As Ambassador For Young People I'd like to see easier and quicker methods introduced for HIV and STD testing and for better sex education to be made part of the school curriculum. Stay safe and sexy by using a condom every time you have sex."

Touch Me Like That - Buy It Or Die!

Dannii's brilliant "Touch Me Like That" is finally released in the UK tomorrow and I fully expect everyone to rush out and buy a copy! Download sales have been underwhelming thus far but I'm convinced that everyone is saving their money for the stunning 12" picture disc (above). I refuse to believe that Dannii's lovely fans would rave about the song for the past three months without having the decency to shell out 79p on a legal download. If you have already done the right thing, may I suggest buying a copy of the CD single for a dear friend or family member? Nothing says "I love you" quite like Stonebridge Mix of "Touch Me Like That"! On a brighter note, Dannii's amazing anthem debuts at #48 on the Australian club chart this week, more than a month ahead of its scheduled release on the 20th January. There are no plans to release the picture disc in Australia but you can order it Chaos or import it from HMV UK.

Kylie Confirms Simon & Dannii's "Fizzle"!

Desperate Kylie has been using Dannii's global fame for her own sad promotion - yet again! Not content to steal Dannii's thunder by releasing her (admittedly fabulous) album a week before "Touch Me Like That", Kylie is now commenting on poor Dannii's love life for publicity! According to the older Minogue, there is definitely a spark between Dannii and Simon Cowell. Check out Kylie's shameless revelation to Heat magazine below and read the full story here.

Kylie Minogue is CONVINCED Simon Cowell has a secret crush on her little sister, fellow X Factor judge Dannii Minogue. Last week, Simon and Dannii were photographed holding hands and Kylie says the chemistry between the two of them is genuine. “Why wouldn’t Simon fancy Dannii?” Kylie says, adding, “If I’m not mistaken there is definitely a little fizzle there.”

Dannii Dishes The Dirt On Tina Arena!

If you read my other blog you'll be aware of how much I love Tina Arena. Dannii's former Young Talent Time co-star has gone on to have her own very successful music career (Tina is almost as successful in France as Dannii is in Spain!) and the lovely ladies have remained friends. After several years in Europe, Tina has returned to Australia to tour and promote her new album, "Songs Of Love & Loss" (released December 3rd). I've been excited to have Tina back in the country and I'm even more desperate to finally meet the woman after hearing Dannii talk about Tina's filthy mouth on the radio! One of Tina's biggest fans kindly sent me an excerpt from an interview with Dannii and I thought some of you might enjoy hearing Dannii spill the beans on Tina. Dannii makes such a great interviewee - she's so sweet and lovely! A big thank you to Derrick for sharing!


Download - Dannii Dishing The Dirt On Tina Arena

Listening to Dannii talk about Tina put me in a nostalgic mood and I decided to look for some Young Talent Time clips on youtube. During my search I stumbled across an advertisement that Dannii and Tina made for Kambrook heaters - way back in 1984! In my view, this is the best commercial in the history of TV! I can't emphasise enough how gloriously camp and joyous this clip is. You get to see Dannii playing guitar and dancing around dressed as a piece of toast! In case you have trouble recognising them - Dannii is the first girl to have a solo, followed directly by Tina. Kambrook should invite them back for their next campaign!

Spanish Gays In Dannii Buying Frenzy!

Spain is currently in the grip of Dannii mania with homosexuals across the nation rushing out to buy multiple copies of "He's The Greatest Dancer"! Dannii's #1 Spanish fan, Peibols (pictured right), reports that he went on a Dannii spree over the weekend with his friends Bubu and Parker (pictured left). Apparently the saleswoman had no idea who Dannii was (surely that bitch had just arrived in town from some rural backwater!) but the boys were able to double Dannii's Spanish sales by purchasing two copies! Thanks for the picture, you're all very sexy!

On a sad note, "Unleashed" only reached #165 on the Australian album charts! It's a shame but what does the record company expect when they release the album with the same cover and tracklisting as the UK but with no promotion? Poor Dannii. "Touch Me Like That" will be released in Australia on the 20th of January. If more effort isn't put into that release, expect another massive flop.

Dannii Outshines Kylie - Again

One of the highlights of Dannii's amazing "Complete Collection" DVD is her stunning live duet of "Kids" filmed during Kylie's "Showgirl Homecoming" tour. This clip is the pop equivalent of porn - Australia's two greatest divas camping it up on the same stage is almost too good to be true. Unfortunately for poor Kylie, Dannii steals the show with her brilliant vocals and magnetic charisma. The entire crowd is completely mesmerised by beautiful Dannii. In fact, I'm sure they only bought tickets on the off chance of seeing Dannii strut her stuff! My favourite bit is the lusty look on Dannii's face when Kylie sings "I couldn't do what I wanted to do when my lips were dry" and the big finale when they both rock out. I'm surprised Dannii didn't fling Kylie into the crowd to finally enjoy her moment in the sun - maybe next time!

Dannii's X Factor Breakdown

Emotional Dannii was so overcome by Rhydian's (her charge) latest X Factor performance that she was moved to tears. Personally, I think Rhydian is a bit frightening but he must have something going for him if Dannii is that impressed. I love Dannii's over the top reaction. She wears her heart on her sleeve and comes across as the only real person on the judging panel. Dannii also looks stunning and slightly dragtastic in that dress. My favourite bit - "I felt you were singing it personally - you know - to me!"

X Factor Romance & A Spanish Top 10 Hit!

Here is the photographic evidence of Dannii's romantic liaison with Simon Cowell. Poor Dannii looks so embarrassed and Simon looks 300 years old. I think the picture below is much more flattering. Dannii has Simon eating out of the palm of her hand - literally! Meanwhile, Dannii's last single climbs to a new peak in Spain this week. "He's The Greatest Dancer" is now a #9 Spanish smash! $ucce$$!!!

Dannii's Stunning Australian Promotion

Dear friends, you are looking at the sum total of Dannii's promotion for the Australian release of "Unleashed". There have been no press, TV or radio advertisements, no interviews, no nothing - except this fabulous article in "New Weekly". With this kind of stunning promo, expect "Unleashed" to miss the top 100 entirely. I know a collection of scrapped tracks is not exactly a priority release but when will Dannii's Australian record company realise that they have to give something extra to interest Dannii's hardcore fans - most of whom already ordered the UK version? How about a different cover, a bonus remix CD or even a shitty sticker saying "Australian Version". This crap is piss poor! If you are yet to purchase a copy of "Unleashed", please do so from Chaos or download it from iTunes (includes the fabulous bonus track "Viva L'Amour").

Dannii & Simon Sitting In A Tree...

The rumours about Dannii's steamy romance with Simon Cowell could be true! The Herald Sun reports that Dannii and Simon were spotted walking hand in hand, no doubt discussing Dannii's recent chart $ucce$$! Read the whole article here.

SIMON Cowell's long-term girlfriend may be asking her mogul boyfriend some serious questions, after he was spotted this weekend hand in hand with Dannii Minogue.

The pair were spotted together leaving the BBC after Friday night's charity gala Children In Need. Cowell and Minogue have been appearing together on British talent show The X Factor, and Minogue was quoted as reporting that her pop supremo co-star was "very fanciable!"

Minogue is famously single after a string of romances including marriage to Nip/Tuck star Julian McMahon and a long romance with Formula 1 star Jacques Villeneuve. Cowell has been involved for several years with model Terri Seymour. He previously dated the singer Sinitta.

H8TRZ!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Queen Of Clubs - Dannii's 13th #1 Club Hit!

All hail the queen of clubs! Dannii continues to make chart history as "Touch Me Like That" becomes her 13th #1 hit on the UK club charts! Suck on that, Kylie!

Here is the full list of Holidannii's #1 club hits:

1997 All I Wanna Do
1997 Everything I Wanted
1998 Disremembrance
2001 Who Do You Love Now?
2002 Put The Needle On It
2003 I Begin To Wonder
2003 Don't Wanna Lose This Feeling
2004 You Won't Forget About Me
2005 Perfection
2006 So Under Pressure
2007 I Can't Sleep At Night
2007 He's The Greatest Dancer
2007 Touch Me Like That

Dannii, we salute you!

A big thanks to Magical Froggy for the amazing picture.

Girl - The Deluxe Edition

I've been so preoccupied with "Club Disco" and "Unleashed" over the past week that I haven't had the opportunity to fully process Dannii's fabulous re-releases. I've decided to focus on the deluxe edition of "Girl" today because it holds a special place in my heart and I honestly believe it is one of the most underrated pop albums of all time. With any luck, Dannii's misunderstood masterpiece will now find a whole new audience via the re-release. I just hope the grotesque dead Dannii cover doesn't turn off too many potential consumers!

"Girl" was a major turning point for Dannii. After the disastrous chart performance and critical mauling of "Get Into You", Dannii's career was at an all time low. She was lampooned in the press for riding on Kylie's coattails, retreated to the abyss of breakfast television and only made headlines by posing for Playboy. Dannii was on a one way track to being the La Toya of the Minogue family until she re-appeared in 1997 with "All I Wanna Do". The song's amazing quality raised as many eyebrows as Dannii's stunning new image. Now a svelte blond with massive tits, Dannii firmly asserted herself as the sexiest Minogue sister and her poptastic music provided a welcome relief to Kylie's late 90s indie experimentation. Despite the success of "All I Wanna Do", "Girl" experienced disappointing sales mostly due to the bizarre choice of "Everything I Wanted" as the album's second single. While Dannii flopped on the mainstream charts, she scored three consecutive #1 club hits in the UK and was warmly received by the gay community in Britain and Australia.

That leads me to my special attachment to "Girl". It was the soundtrack to my coming out. The singles from "Girl" were huge in the gay clubs and my devotion to Dannii was such that I skipped school exams to attend record signings with my new scene friends. LOL. Dannii returned to Australia briefly after "Girl" and became a fixture on the gay scene. It was slightly surreal to see Dannii dancing next to you in clubs and I warmly remember witnessing the spectacle of Dannii being chased across the dancefloor by a feral drag queen at the RHI! "Girl" was the birth of Dannii as a trashy gay icon and the beginning of her reign as the undisputed queen on clubs.

Few pop albums can boast the delicate production and playful experimentation of "Girl". From Xenomania's monster hit "All I Wanna Do" to the hilariously absurd "Everybody Changes Underwater", "Girl" is breathtakingly fun and original. I was very excited to hear the new tracks on the deluxe edition and I'm happy to report that they are suitably fabulous. Here's my review of the previously unreleased tracks:

Movin' Up (Original Extended Mix) - 9/10

"Movin' Up" is equally loved and hated by Dannii fans. Some people think Dannii's cheesy cover version sounds out of place on "Girl", while others like myself revel in Dannii's gloriously upbeat slice of 90s house music. This mix is adorable.

Keep Up With The Good Times - 10/10

The only completely new track on the album is an absolute treat. Written and produced by Xenomania, "Keep Up With The Good Times" is a shocking reminder of how brilliant Brian Higgins used to be before he started churning out the same old rubbish for Girls Aloud and wrote Kylie's worst single in a decade ("Giving You Up"). The music is dated but time hasn't dulled the shiny brilliance of the chorus and uplifting lyrics. It goes without saying that this should have been on the album. A lost classic.

Someone New (Flexifingers Radio Edit) - 10/10

I've always loved the album's Japanese bonus track and I'm ecstatic to finally get an official edit. It doesn't quite capture the magnificence of the original but it's still one of Dannii's finest songs from "Girl". The existence of a radio edit is interesting of itself. The rumour that "Someone New" was once considered as a single might have some truth in it after all.

All I Wanna Do (Trouser Enthusiasts Radio Edit) - 9/10

I love the Trouser Enthusiasts (ie. Dannii's songwriting partners Ian Masterson and David Green). Their remix of Kylie's "Did It Again" is a favourite of mine and their remixes for the likes of Gina G, Donna Summer and Gloria Estefan have all been fagtastic. This amazing mix is no exception.

Disremembrance (Trouser Enthusiasts Radio Edit) - 9/10

For many years, "Disremembrance" was my favourite Dannii track. I blame the camp video clip - gothic Dannii forever! I prefer the pure pop of the album version but this mix has an evocative, darker tone that suits the song perfectly.

Heaven Can Wait (Trouser Enthusiasts Cloud Nine Mix) - 7.5/10

Another Xenomania contribution, "Heaven Can Wait" holds up as one of the loveliest songs on "Girl". This epic mix is at least five minutes too long for my dodgy concentration span but it's still a fun addition to anyone's Dannii collection.

Disremembrance (Full Orechestral 12" Mix) - 8/10

I love the dreamy beginning to this remix. The remainder of the mix is fairly straightforward but just as lovely.

Disremembrance (Twyce As Nyce 1:40am Club Mix) - 5/10

This is a bit of a mess and deconstructs the song to the point where it's barely recognisable. Headache material.

Movin' Up (Gettin' Harder Mix) - 7.5/10

I was gettin' harder by the second listening to this trashy effort. Somebody pass me a glow stick!

Keep Up With The Good Times (Xenomania 12" Mix) - 9/10

The more I hear "Keep Up With The Good Times", the more I love it. This mix is a spectacular hands in the air dancefloor anthem, only slightly marred by some dated voice effects. Vintage Dannii!